Interview with Lily J. Lee, Leading Blasian Family YouTuber – Part 1

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Today we are honored to be speaking with one of the leading Blasian family Youtubers, Lily J. Lee, who hails from South Korea and has been married in a Blasian relationship with James Woods, a Kenyan man, for six years now. Lily and James have 2 daughters, Yuri, who is 3 years old and Dasomi who is 10 months old. Lily is the founder and a leading Blasian Youtuber at the Blasian Family Channel. Her YouTube channel has nearly 20,000 subscribers currently, more than any other YT channel focused on Blasian topics. Lily started her YT channel in 2008, and has uploaded nearly 800 videos which in total have been viewed over 5 million times. Lily became widely viewed after her 2012 video entitled “Why I Love Black Men” went viral. Her husband, James Woods, is an engineering student who keeps a low profile. They have been married since 2009 and have lived together in Korea, China, and the US so far. Lily also details her Blasian family’s lifestyle at her blog, Korean Mom Lily’s Life Style. Together, Lily and James have also traveled extensively and their travels include Hong Kong, Malaysia, Kenya, Thailand, Singapore and Macau. Below is part 1 of our interview with Lily. Also part 2 of the interview is found in this link.

James, Lily, Yuri, and Dasomi
James, Lily, Yuri, and Dasomi

ABC: Thanks for taking the time to speak with us today. Let’s start by giving us a quick update on Lily. You are living in China these days, right?
Lily: Yeah, right now I’m in a small city of Weihai in east China in the Shandong province, and I’m with my daughters, Yuri and Dasomi.

ABC: And James is on a special assignment in the US?
Lily: Yes, that’s correct.

ABC: And you are also able to get back to see your family in Korea periodically?
Lily: We’ve gone back to Korea two times already so far since we have been in China. We’re going back to Korea again pretty soon actually in a month, and then we’ll go back to the US, that’s the plan.

ABC: And how are your daughters doing?
Lily: Yeah they are doing fine.

ABC: That’s great. So this interview will cover two topics. Today in Part 1, we will cover your Blasian couple relationship with James and your advice on Blasian couples, and then later in Part 2, we will cover your experience with the Blasian Family YouTube Channel which you created over 7 years ago.

 

James and Lily during their dating period.
James and Lily during their dating period.

So let’s begin Part 1. I know many of your YouTube followers will already know this, but for those who might be new to you, can you tell us how you met James.
Lily: James was in Korea when we met, so we met in Korea. We met at work. After I graduated from college, I got a job at a private English language institute and he was a substitute teacher who only came like twice or three times a week, and that’s how we got to know each other, but we didn’t start dating right away.

ABC: That leads to the next question. So was it love at first sight or did it take a while for things to develop.
Lily: It was kinda both, in a way. The funny thing is when I first saw him, I was like “oh my goodness, he’s really cute”, so I really got interested in him. Sometimes when you really like somebody, you just feel like he’s the only person in that room. So that’s what I felt when I first saw him. He was like so cute, and I just can’t forget that smile that he had on his face, and I got really interested in him. But then he was very shy and he never really talked to us, or any of the teachers, his co-workers. He was just a really quiet guy, so I was like, “hmmm, well okay”. Then later on, he asked for my phone number and then he started calling me and asking me how I was doing and stuff. For some reason, I really couldn’t understand his accent. He had a quite thick accent at that time. Now, maybe he got rid of it or maybe I just got used to his accent, but at that time, I really couldn’t understand what he was saying so I was like okay. So not being able to communicate well, it made me lose interest in him, and then he had to chase me.(laughing) I think he liked me, but I don’t think it was love at first sight for him, but he definitely really liked me. For me, it was more like love at first sight, but it kinda died really quick. So I started ditching his phone calls and I thought “Okay, if we can’t talk to each other, and if I don’t understand you, then it’s not going to work out.” But then, it took quite some time for him to actually get me to hang out with him. I was not persuaded for a while, I was just like, “No it’s just not gonna work.” Well at the end, he got me to meet him and just hang out with him. That’s when it all really started, when we actually met and we hung out together. Then we just hit it off. I wouldn’t call it like a first date, it was more of like a first hang out. But we kissed on the first hang out,(laughing) so I guess, it was like sorta love at first sight. But then, it took quite some time for him to actually get me to hang out with him. I was not persuaded for a while, I was just like, “No, it’s just not gonna work.”

Lily and James in China.
Lily and James in China.

ABC: So you were initially intrigued by him, but due to his heavy accent, you lost interest, and then he had to chase after you to get you to go out with him and that’s when you started getting interested in him again.
Lily: Not just because of his accent, I just couldn’t understand his accent over the phone. (laughing) I don’t discriminate against anyone’s accent, I just couldn’t understand his accent over the phone. Over the phone is the important part. I could understand him when we were hanging out in person, but over the phone I just couldn’t understand him. I blame my horrible phone. (laughing)

James and Lily during their dating period in Busan.
James and Lily during their dating period in Busan.

ABC: So what was it about James that made him interesting to you?
Lily: At first, his exotic looks, that’s the first thing that people see, appearance. He had a beautiful smile and I think that was the first thing that I saw. It wasn’t about him being cute or handsome, he had a really cute smile, so that made me interested in him. Also he was a Black guy around my age. I had never met any Black guy who was around my age. I had met some older Black women when I was in the United States in my early 20s. I guess I was in an area in the US where there were more White people. I only met 2 or 3 Black people and they were all older than me. I never met any Black male that was around my age. I only saw young Black people through TV, so that was quite interesting to me. I thought “Really! Black people exist?” I was a country girl I guess, so James was my first exposure to a Black guy around my age. That was very interesting to me.

Check out more about how they met at Lily’s blog post, How We Met.

ABC: So the fact that he was different from guys that you were accustomed to made him intriguing to you.
Lily: Yes, yeah.

James and Lily in Thailand.
James and Lily in Thailand.

ABC: So I’m sure you had Korean guys that were interested in you too, guys who shared your same culture. So how did you think about James versus the other Korean guys who were interested in you.
Lily: Hmmm… well, I mean it’s not all about you know, James is not Korean. Of course with Korean guys, it’s much easier to communicate with them based on when I was going out with Korean guys. They share my same culture, and we usually think the same way, and if I say, “sand”, then they will think and say “wich”, but with James I had to explain everything. We shared very little culture, and it was really hard for me. It wasn’t like I wasn’t interested in Korean guys, or that I was just interested in Western guys or Black men, it wasn’t like that. It’s just that James and I just fell in love. Even if he wasn’t Black, or even if he was Indian, or Mexican, or Korean, it doesn’t matter. I fell in love with him and it just didn’t matter what his nationality was. Of course, you know there are some differences and frustrations or disagreements because he doesn’t understand the things that I do, or I don’t understand the things that he does, but still I guess, we just love each other, so those culture differences just didn’t matter when we were dating.

ABC: So it was really just James the person and you clicked with him as a person and all the other stuff just didn’t matter.
Lily: Yes, that’s it.

James and Lily in Busan.
James and Lily in Busan.

ABC: So that’s great and I think most relationships just come down to two people really connecting. But what about the other people in your life, like friends and family, who may not really understand the connection you had with James. What was that like to deal with your friends and family when it came to James?
Lily: I actually was really, really scared of telling my family about James. I actually waited a whole one year – when we were dating. I didn’t tell my family about him at all for one year. Usually once I have a boyfriend, I tell them right away and I tell my mom straight away, like right away, like right after I have a boyfriend. Even if there is somebody I’m interested in, or someone who is interested in me, I’ll tell my mom because, she is my best friend. She knows everything, like all the guys that I have gone out with. But with James, I had to wait one year to tell my mom, and that’s something, you know. But my mom kinda felt that I was seeing somebody, but I guess she just really didn’t want to ask me, because she kind of felt like, maybe that’s a foreigner, and she didn’t really like me dating a foreigner. I used to date one foreigner and when I was talking to him over the phone, and my mom and dad, especially my dad, he didn’t really like it. He was like “Who are you talking to in English?”, and my parents were like, “No, no, no – no blue eyes, no big nose.” My dad used to say things like that and stuff. So I knew my parents were not ready for interracial or international relationships. So my mom always felt like, “This girl, she’s talking to somebody on the phone almost like every day, and she’s speaking English all the time – maybe that’s a foreigner.” But my mom didn’t want to ask me, because once she asked me and then I tell her something about him, then its official. She didn’t want to ask me about it because she didn’t want to make it a big deal, and I wanted to wait until I really made the relationship official. So I waited like one year, cause I didn’t know if I was really going to go serious with James. Because at first, I thought, “Well he’s Black and I know I’m not going to marry him, because my family is not going to approve of him anyway.” Also when I first met him, I felt like he wasn’t really ready for marriage. I think he even said that, he was like “I don’t see myself getting married to anyone.” I think that’s what he said. So I was thinking “OK, we’re just going to have fun, we are just going to date”. I didn’t even think about getting married to him at all, either. I thought if I ever get married, I’ll get married after I turn 30, that’s what I thought. There was just no rush at all, cause I was 25 and he was 22. So I thought we would just date and have fun, and we loved each other, so it was all good. I never really thought of getting married or getting serious, so I waited. I thought that maybe we will just have fun and maybe after one year we might break up. You never know right? I knew that if I told my mom about him that my mom was just not going to be happy, so it was just better not to tell her.

But after one year, I told her. I mean it had been one year and we didn’t break up. So I told her, “Mom, I’m dating somebody, and I can’t hide it from you any more”, and my mom was like “I know, I know you are dating a foreigner.” I was like “Yes, how did you know?” and then my mom was like “Hey, you have been talking to someone in English all the time. You thought I was not going to notice it?” I asked my mom, “Well OK, are you fine with it?” My mom was like, “What can I do? You are the type of person that maybe it’s just better for you to date or maybe marry a westerner because you are so Westernized. You are a westernized girl. It’s just better for you to get married to a westerner than maybe getting married to a traditional Korean man.” So I was like “OK, that’s good. So you are OK with it.” Mom said, “You dated one American guy before, so why not twice?” So I was like “OK… and he is Black” and then my mom said “Then no.” She didn’t even have to think twice. She didn’t take like one second. “He’s Black – NO”. I said, “Okay, you just said it was OK.” My mom said, “Well I was talking about white.” I said, “What’s the difference?” My mom said, “It is different.” And then I said, “It’s not different.” I said, “Do you believe in God?”, cause my mom believes in God and she goes to church all of time. I told her, “If you believe that we are all children of God, then Black people are also our brothers. You can’t just discriminate against Black people.” My mom was like, “But I just can’t, I am not ready.” She just could not really explain why, and she was just so shocked. She was just like “What?” And then she asked me, “How Black is he?”, cause you know there are many different shades of Black. Then I said, “He’s very Black – he’s Black, Black!” and my mom was like “No way!” Then she started crying. That just hurt my feelings so bad. I can’t describe how sad I was at that moment. Really, I was so sad that she was crying, I was so sad that she was sad. Just lots of different feelings. Because I was always a very good girl and I always made her proud. I went to a very good college, and I was always a good student, a good girl, a good daughter. I never did anything that made them feel less than proud of me. I never did anything bad, like I never misbehaved. In my life, I was always a good girl, and now my mom was crying because of me. That had never happened in my whole entire life. She was always happy because of me. She even give me a piggyback ride one time because like I made her so happy. And as I saw my mom crying just because of me, that hurt my heart so much. It was a very hard time. I didn’t know what to do, and I was scared also. It was bad, it was really bad. And we were crying together, and my mom said, “Do you really love him?”, and I said “I do.” So my mom said, “Just don’t think about getting married and I’m not going to tell your dad about this and please, please break up with him.”

ABC: So did you ever consider breaking up with James given all of the difficulty with your parents regarding James.
Lily: I don’t know, for some reason, I never thought of breaking up with him just because he’s Black. Maybe there were some times where we had some arguments and we had some hard times, and maybe that’s the time that I thought that maybe we were not meant for each other, but not just because he’s Black and not because my parents wanted me to break up with him.

James and Lily’s Korean wedding picture.

ABC: So over time, it looks like things became better between your parents and James. How did that occur?
Lily: Well, I kept telling my mom what James was like, and how loving he is, and how fun it is to be with him, and things like that. My mom slowly, as I started to be more open about James, my mom started asking questions about him and my mom said, “You know he sounds like a very good guy.” So I kept telling my mom how nice he is and how happy I am with him, and how much I love him, and all that stuff. That really made my mom start to actually want to meet him in person. So one day, I made it happen. My mom and James and I all had dinner together and my mom finally met him in person and she asked him some questions. I had to interpret everything from Korean to English and from English to Korean between them, but my mom asked him some questions. So that’s how my mom met him. But that didn’t really help her actually, that didn’t make her like him right away. But I guess my mom could actually see him as a person, not just as an imaginary boyfriend of mine. She was looking at James’ eyes, and later my mom told me, “This guy is somebody’s precious son and who am I to judge him by color.” So my mom told me, “My daughter, she’s my precious daughter, and this guy, I’m sure he’s also somebody’s precious son. I cannot just look down on him just because he’s Black, and I can’t judge him because of his color.” That’s what my mom felt after meeting James.

It’s not like she fell in love with James right away. Actually my mom, she cried a lot after that. After the dinner, my mom left. James and I took a walk together and when I went home, my mom was not home. So I called my mom and she was at the theater. She went to the movie theater by herself watching a movie. I was like “Mom, what are you doing this late at night?”, and my mom came home and she just didn’t say anything after that. But later, she told me she went to the movie theater and she didn’t watch the movie, she just cried, cried, cried. She crazily cried because she couldn’t cry at home because it was all a secret from my dad, so my mom had to go to the movie theater to cry it out. She cried because she was still in shock. James was too Black! We had dinner with James at night and my mom told me that really at night, with James being so dark, that it really scared my mom.

ABC: So how did your dad finally find out about James and how did he meet him?
Lily: Well I guess I was so determined to make my family like James or at least just accept him. I didn’t care if I was going to get married to James or not, I just wanted my family to accept him as my boyfriend. He’s one precious individual and you gotta accept him, and don’t judge him just because he’s Black, and don’t like him just because he’s Black, you just have to accept him. If he’s white, black, or blue, red, it doesn’t matter, you just have to accept him. Maybe he’s handicapped or he is disabled, or blind, or whatever, you just need to accept my decision to date anyone. So I guess I was so determined to make my family accept him, so I took James to a very big family gathering on a holiday, like the New Year holiday or something. It was a very big holiday and all of the family got together. So I just took James there and my dad got so angry. He was like, “How can you bring him to this big family gathering?” My dad was so angry and he didn’t even look at James. He was so mad, but the funny thing was my dad’s older brother, he and his family live in Australia, and he was telling my dad, “Hey, are you discriminating against James just because he’s Black?” My uncle kept telling my dad that he shouldn’t discriminate. My uncle told my Dad, “Hey I live in Australia, and people discriminate against me because I’m Asian and I’m just fed up with it. I’ve had enough of it. You can’t do that.” My dad was like, “You don’t even know. Are you in my position? Is your daughter dating a Black guy? You’re not in my position”, and my dad was so mad. My uncle kept saying, “Don’t discriminate, don’t do that, don’t discriminate.” So maybe that made my father start to think that maybe he shouldn’t discriminate.

So I just kept talking about James all the time to my dad, and my dad was like, “Don’t talk to me about him”, but I kept talking about him. Then, for my birthday, we decided to have a family lunch and my younger sister asked my parents if she could bring her boyfriend, her soon to be husband. My parents said yes. So I said “Can I bring my boyfriend?” and they said no. I said, “What kind of fairness is that? My sister can bring her Korean boyfriend and I cannot bring my Kenyan Black boyfriend.” So then my mom was like, “This is Lily’s birthday, so let her invite her boyfriend.” So finally my dad said “Okay, but he is only there because he is your friend, not your boyfriend.” They had to make it clear that he was only there because he’s my friend, not a boyfriend. So James came to the birthday party, and believe it or not, as soon as he came, my dad saw him, and James came and sat right next to my dad. My dad looked at James, and he was like, “Wow, he’s handsome.” (laughing) That was the first thing that my dad said. He said, “He’s cute”, and we all were like “Dad, what did you just say?” And James started talking to my Dad and started showing him pictures of his family in Kenya. And my Dad just started liking James right away after that.

Lily and James wedding in Korea.
Lily and James wedding in Korea.

ABC: So did your dad start to accept James after that?
Lily: I guess he could just see him as a human rather than as just a color. He said that James had a very beautiful smile and he felt like James had a very beautiful soul. That’s what my dad said and he just liked him right away after that. James was very excited about showing his pictures, and when James started showing him his pictures, my dad just saw something in him and boom, he just liked him.

Check out more about Lily’s mom’s reaction in this video where Lily interviews her mom

ABC: So how is your parent’s relationship with James today?
Lily: Now, they like James and love him as their son-in-law. They love our baby girls so much and they are proud of them. They always say the girls are extremely beautiful. I am so blessed to have such great parents. (very happy)

lily james anniv_1
James and Lily’s two-year anniversary in Seoul.

ABC: So let me make sure that I have the timeline right. So from the time that you guys first met, how long before you started dating?
Lily: I would say 3 to 4 months.

ABC: And from the time that you started dating, how long before you told your mom about James?
Lily: One year.

ABC: How long did it take to tell your father after you told your mother?
Lily: About six months.

ABC: So after your father knew, how long before you guys decided to get engaged?
Lily: One year.

ABC: And how long were you engaged before you got married?
Lily: Just about 4-5 months.

ABC: And how long have you been married now?
Lily: Just about 6 years now. In about 3 months, it will be six years.

lily james woods_1
Lily and James in the USA.

ABC: Wow, so this relationship has been evolving for a long time now. So what’s the best thing about being in a Blasian relationship?
Lily: There are a lot of good things and I don’t know what is the best thing. I feel like, well I don’t know if it is a good thing, maybe for some people it’s not that good, but I feel like I am a celebrity everywhere. People look at us ALL of the time. I think it’s a good thing. It makes me act right, and even when we didn’t have any babies, people were just looking at us crazily in Korea. I don’t know if it was just us being Blasian, but it’s more like James being buff, but at the same time, he’s with a Korean girl. Him being with me attracts a whole lot of people. They are like “They’re together?” and that kind of stuff. A big buff Black guy with a little short Korean girl, so that attracts a lot of people. Whenever I’m out with him, I just want to look cute. I want to look attractive so that people won’t think that only an ugly girl will go out with Black guys. I want to break the stereotype that people have about only ugly girls going for Black guys.

Also, Blasian couples, we don’t have a lot of body hair, so it’s nice to touch our skin. Yeah it’s all good. (laughing)

It feels like we are a very rare couple, so people are always interested in our story and we can make friends quite easily everywhere. People just want to get to know us. We get to make a lot of friends whenever we are out. Being a rare couple, I think it’s good. (laughing)

Also, actually Black and Asian people are very similar which is really nice. We are very similar, we are both very family oriented, we are both very passionate, we are both very soulful people, particularly Koreans who were once colonized by Japan, so we share a certain sadness in our soul with African Americans and even Africans. It just makes us feel more passionate about things, and grateful, and loving, so we have a very similar spirit. That’s what I feel.

Also Black guys are very masculine. Not all Black men, but a lot of Black men are and that’s similar to Asian women who are more feminine. Asian girls are more feminine, more lady like, and soft. Not all the time and not all Asian women are like that, but that’s what the Asian culture expects them to be. Also internally, I think Asian women normally think that men should protect their woman, and Black men usually have very similar thoughts that they should protect their women.

Lily and James wedding in Korea.
Lily and James wedding in Korea.

ABC: So this will be your chance to give some advice to both Asian women and Black men based on your experience. Let’s start with the question, what advice would you have for Asian women who either date Black men or who are open to dating Black men?
Lily: Don’t think that you are better than him. Maybe some Asian women don’t think like that, but a lot of Asian women might think that the Black guy should really do a lot of stuff to make her family like him or approve of him. But if you like him or love him, then you should be the one to stand up to your family for him, and you should be the one to tell your family that they should not discriminate – that’s horrible. But some Asian girls I think they say, “Well, he’s Black, so he should do more to make my family like him”, but I think that’s a horrible way to think about it. Also if you are ever thinking about marrying a Black man and having Blasian babies, be sure that you are ready to love them no matter what. Don’t worry about the baby’s features, or the color or their skin – that’s very stupid. I feel there are some Asian women out there thinking that way.

Lily and James in Seoul.
Lily and James in Seoul.

ABC: And what advice would you have for Asian women where their parents don’t approve of them dating a Black man, and maybe their parents even threaten to disown them.
Lily: Well this is very important because a lot of people ask me this question. I would say you know yourself better than anybody else. So if you are a person who you cannot live without your parents or you can’t go against your parents, then that I guess you just have to live according to what they say, think how they tell you to think, and live how they tell you to live. Maybe that will make you happy at the end, and at least you can save yourself complaining about how you should have listened to your family, blah, blah, blah, if your relationship didn’t work out as you wanted.

But if you are the kind of person who can still pursue ideas that nobody else in your family ever really pursued, and you are OK with your family disowning you or whatever – of course they cannot really disown you because you are with a guy of a different race – you just have to stand up for yourself, and you have to prove to them that it is wrong for them to think like that. It’s really wrong for them to think like that, to judge people by color, or to think that they are better than anybody else because they are lighter, that’s bull crap! That’s just the most stupid thing. That makes me so mad actually, really mad. Who are you to say that you are better than anybody? What if I say Black people are better than Asians? I just hate people talking like that – White is OK, but not Black, or White is better than Black, or how can an Asian lady marry someone who is not Asian, or you are betraying the Asian race – that’s all crap! My advice is that if you love him, and you believe that he is the person that you can be happy with, then you should go for him. Nobody lives your life for you. You live your life and you know what kind of life you want. If he’s the right person, then you should go for it. If he’s not, then yeah, you don’t need to worry about it. But if he’s a good person and you know your parents are only against the relationship because of his color, then let them disown you for some time, but they will come around because he is a good person. Your family wants you to be happy and your family will come around because you are happy. Who will say, “You’re happy, but I still disown you” – no, no, no, it won’t happen.

But if you are the kind of person who thinks that you cannot go against your family, and that you will be so sad all the time if you do go against your family, then don’t date guys outside your race. Don’t waste people’s time, don’t waste your man’s time, don’t create that kind of trouble. You are not going to be happy and you are going to start thinking “I did all of these things to just be with you and you are not living up to my expectations” – you will be miserable. Then just stay with your family and live your life for your family instead of living your life for yourself.

ABC: And what would you say to the Asian woman who sees other Blasian couples and she is really intrigued by dating a Black guy, but she gets a little scared because she has never dated a Black guy before?
Lily: You never know until you experience it. You should give yourself a chance to date anybody. Black guys might be the best type for you. You might like Black guys the most, so you should go for it. Don’t worry – Black guys rock! (Laugh)

Lily and James in Singapore.
Lily and James in Singapore.

ABC: What advice would you have for Black guys who are either already dating an Asian woman or who are looking to date Asian women.
Lily: It’s not going to be easy actually to date an Asian woman whose family is really accepting. And it’s hard to find an Asian lady who is totally ready to stand up for her love and things like that. Because a lot of Asian families and their parents are still very traditional, so you have to expect those things to happen to you, like the family being against your relationship. Don’t let this keep you from approaching or even trying to date, or falling in love with an Asian girl though. Once you love each other, then that’s the most important thing. If you stay strong and if she loves you, then things will work out. Don’t get angry because your partner’s parents are not as accepting as your parents. I think for Black guys, of course you might want to try to impress your partner’s family, but remember that you deserve the best, so your partner should also try more to make her family accept you. If you are looking for an Asian girl, there are more and more people who are actually showing their pride in being in a Blasian couple these days. It feels like, some people even call it a fad. Somebody on one of my videos actually commented that these Korean girls are just following a fad? I was like “Really, this is a cool thing to do? Because people only want to follow fads because they are a cool thing to do”. I was thinking that my videos must be doing a good job of showing people that it’s cool to be in a Blasian relationship. I know the commenter was trying to make fun of us, but I looked at it as a compliment in a way. (laughing)

James and Lily’s Korean wedding picture

ABC: So if a Black guy finds himself in a situation where the Asian lady’s family doesn’t like him or won’t accept him simply because he is Black, is there anything that he can do?
Lily: I would say the best thing to do is to try to learn the parent’s language. That’s what James did and it really worked well. My mom and my dad were hesitant to accept him or approve of him as a future son-in-law. They just thought that he couldn’t really communicate with them and that was a sad thought for them because they want to communicate with James. Asians are very family oriented, and we always talk to each other, and we do a lot of things together as family. For instance, sometimes when the Asian daughter is not happy in her marriage, the parents can actually talk to the son-in-law and try to help. That’s part of the culture, it happens a lot. But if my parents cannot really communicate with James, then that’s a really big obstacle to actually communicate and understand each other. So learning the language actually helps a lot. Even though it may not be a lot, but still things like “I love you” or very simple words, that would be nice. Usually traditional Asians always speak their own language even if they are in America.

ABC: One last advice question. What about Black guys who want to date Asian women, but they either can’t find them or the Asian women they know don’t like them. What advice would you have for them?
Lily: Well first of all you should go to places where a lot of Asians go to. If you live in the countryside or somewhere that doesn’t have a lot of Asians, then you should definitely go to the internet and maybe try some dating websites. There are some good dating apps these days and a lot of people meet through them. Some of my friends actually met through an app call Scout, and there’s another one that I can’t remember, but my friends met someone on these dating apps. I’m sure you can find some people who are interested in dating on these apps.

Also of course, Asian women are not so different from other women. If an Asian woman likes you, she will keep talking to you. If they don’t respond too quickly or if they never say hi, it’s really complicated, because Asians, we kinda play hard to get. We want to be chased. But online, you will know if she wants to keep talking to you. If she keeps talking to you, then you will know that she is interested in you.

James and Lily's wedding in Kenya.
James and Lily’s wedding in Kenya.

ABC: Last question for part 1 of the interview, so let’s end on a positive note. Tell us about one of your best memories together with James.
Lily: There are lots of good memories. We went to Busan once. We traveled to a lot of different places in Korea before we got married. Busan is the second largest city in Korea and it has a very nice beach. The people are very nice there and people wanted to take pictures of us. They wanted to especially take pictures with James because he’s tall and has a very good body and a six-pack. (laughing) A lot of girls wanted to take pictures with him. I remember there were two Korean guys who were very nice to us who were just playing on the beach while we were just swimming in the ocean. One of the Korean guys threw a beach volleyball and the ball came close to us, so James threw the ball back to them, and they started talking to us. They were just so nice to us. And for some reason, they just wanted to be friends with us and they even wanted to treat us. They treated us to a really nice meal. We went to a restaurant and they treated us to a really nice meal. Usually, most Asian guys wouldn’t really like to see interracial couples, especially a Korean woman with a foreigner guy, but they were just really open to it. They were asking James a lot about his experience in Korea. They just wanted to set a good example of Korean guys, and I remember how they were so open to interracial relationships. They were telling me that I was a very brave woman and things like that, so that really made me feel encouraged in a way. It was just so out of the blue. These guys were just strangers and they fed us, they treated us to a very nice meal and they told me that I should just keep being strong and things like that and it really encouraged me. Actually that happens a lot where some strangers just want to be friends with us. That happens a lot. Those are good memories.

Also of course, our wedding was a really good memory. We had a Korean wedding and a Kenyan wedding. The Kenyan wedding was actually a western style wedding. That’s our best memory. We have a lot of good memories. (very happy)

Lily, James, Yuri, and Dasomi in the USA.
Lily, James, Yuri, and Dasomi in the USA.

ABC: Great, so we will wrap up part 1 there. I would like to thank you, Lily, for being so open and honest with us. I’m sure that the insight from your experience and the advice that you have offered will really help a lot of Blasian couples and people seeking Blasian couple relationships.

As always, I welcome all thoughts and comments in the comments section below. See Part 2 of the interview in this link. Also feel free to share your thoughts on this blog post on the Asian Black Couples Forums at this link.

 

ABC1

7 COMMENTS

  1. I believe you said it best when you said you fell in love with the person, not the black person. I believe that is the hardest part for a lot of individuals and families! They are so caught up in what is portrayed of someone on Television, rather than how the individual truly is inside. Plus a lot of individuals are more worried about their images, or what others think, rather than their happiness! Good for you and your beautiful family, I hope you and your family have much happiness in the future!

  2. This is an important story to tell. Sometimes love and patience is everything you need. From the uncle telling he is discriminated against to the dad being stubborn until he falls in love with James smile 🙂 With my husband our story is very different but maybe because he is the second son who knows :p

  3. It is sad that most Asian cultures and others are so accepting of whites. I read this interview. Why weren’t there questions about James family accepting Lily? This goes both ways. I think society likes to drive home how so many do not accept blacks. Let me tell you…this goes both ways in many families. Some families do not accept Asians or Whites either. Let’s keep it real and tell stories about that. This is a beautiful couple with lovely babies. Love conquers all.

  4. This story is amazing! I agree with what you said about Asians and blacks sharing a lot culturally, including a sad soulfulness, which comes out in passion, gratitude, love, and a similar spirit. Well said! Thanks for sharing this fabulous story.

  5. Great story. I agree that Asians and blacks share a lot culturally, including a sadness in the soul that leads to gratitude, love, passion, and a similar spirit. Well said! I was crying at times while I was reading this. Thanks for an amazing story.

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