Today we have the pleasure of speaking with Randy Flagg, an African American YouTuber who has lived in Shanghai, China, for over 12 years now. Randy has been married to Jenny, a Chinese lady for 6 years and they have a four year old daughter together, Xena. Randy is fluent in Chinese and he is extremely knowledgeable on China. His YouTube (YT) channel, Loser Laowai in China, is growing quickly with nearly 3,000 subscribers and over 1.3 million views in just 8 months. He covers life in China – both the pros and cons – in his videos, and in his sister channel, Winner Laowai in China, his wife Jenny teaches Chinese lessons to his viewers. Some of his videos which he creatively calls China Ratchet, are very popular and show some of the crazy stuff that happens in China. He also does a few videos on his family life in China, and his Randy vs. Jenny videos where he and his wife debate various topics are insightful and entertaining.
One heads up for our readers – Randy is very direct and very real in his videos as well as in this interview. Frankly this is part of Randy’s appeal, because he does not pull any punches. He speaks his mind with absolutely no filter and some of his views are probably controversial, but his unfiltered views and 100% realism and the controversy it may evoke, are part of what will likely propel his YT channels to success. While ABC does not totally agree with all of Randy’s views, we totally respect and applaud what he has been able to do in building a life and an interracial family in China, which is no small feat. We also totally appreciate the wisdom that Randy has gained from his many years in China and hope that our readers can gain from his long experience in China. As is the case in all of our interviews, the views expressed are the views of the interviewee and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABC.
ABC: Give us a little background on Randy and what led you to move from the US to China? When did you first move to China?
Randy: I first moved to China about 2003. I was supposed to go to the Peace Corps. They were going to send me to the Pacific to the Micronesia Islands and I really did not want to go there. I wanted to go to someplace like Japan or China. Because of the all the movies and stuff, I started getting interested in China in my senior year of high school. I met this Chinese girl online, and she offered me a teaching position in China. She knew a university that wanted American teachers, so I took that opportunity and I moved to China around 2003. Plus I was disillusioned with America because of difficulties I had growing up in America.
See this video for more on how Randy ended up in China and some of his difficulties growing up in America.
ABC: What was your first job in China and how did you land that job?
Randy: The Chinese girl offered me a job. We were chatting on Yahoo Messenger and I was talking about going to the Peace Corps. I told her that I really did not want to do that. She said that one of the teachers at her university was offering a position and was I interested. And I said, “Yeah sure” and that’s how I landed the job.
ABC: The lady that helped you land the job in China, what made you trust her?
Randy: Because we were talking for like a year. With Yahoo Chat, there wasn’t anything like it at that time. With Yahoo chat, you had people chatting from all over the world. I just went into the Asia chat room and she was talking to somebody else, so I just started private chatting with her, just to chat. I was a computer monitor at my university, so it was a really easy job. I didn’t have anything to do at that time because it was summer time and most of the students had gone home. So there would be like 4 or 5 hours where I was doing absolutely nothing, just minding the computer lab. So we started talking and then I didn’t really think anything of it. She said she would offer me the job. I gave her my address and then a letter came in the mail inviting me to China. All I had to do was take it to the Embassy and get all my checkups and other stuff. It was really easy back then. Now that process is a little bit harder.
ABC: Where did you live when you initially moved to China? Was it difficult finding housing?
Randy: No it wasn’t difficult because I was working for a University and they offer you a job, housing and a salary. They got me a dorm room there. I was living alone. It wasn’t the best circumstances, but it was good enough. I could meet many people and make friends, so it was ok. It wasn’t difficult to find housing.
ABC: When you first moved to China, how long did you expect you would stay there?
Randy: When I first moved to China, I had no idea when I would go back to America because I was disillusioned with America. So I was in China and after China I didn’t know where I would go next, where I might wind up. So I wasn’t really thinking about the future. I was just thinking about the here and now. I have a job, I have a roof over my head, and I have a task I have to complete. I wasn’t really thinking about the future.
ABC: Now you have been in China for over 12 years. Did you ever consider moving back to the US during that time?
Randy: Yes I moved back to the US in 2013 because of my visa, because of the racism in China, because I had just had it with China, and because my wife wanted to go there. So all these things culminated to one and I went back to America. I realized when the airplane landed in JFK, I was like, “Uhhhh, I made a mistake, but let me do it.” I was staying in a YMCA and the YMCA is basically for drug addicts and people who don’t have anything. When I was staying there, I just felt like “Wow, I’ve gone back to the level from before I went to China. I’m actually regressing.” I had a good job and everything, but I just did not feel right. I felt like a minimum wage slave, even though I had a pretty good job. I just didn’t like what America had become. So I decided to go back to China. When I went back to China, it was like 100% better because my family was there and I missed my wife and kid.
ABC: How long do you think you will live in China now? Do you ever see yourself moving back to the US?
Randy: Eventually I see myself moving back to America, but maybe not back to NY. Maybe back to a mid-level town in someplace like Minnesota, or Kentucky, or Texas, maybe somewhere like that. You know it’s really hard to think like that, because there is an economic crisis now. People don’t like to admit it, but there is a crisis and it’s all around the world, so it doesn’t matter where you go. Basically it’s the same circumstance everywhere. I’m just working, saving money, doing my Loser Laowai channel. The YouTube channel is doing pretty well, but it has more potential. I want to do more things with it, so I’m just doing that right now. I’m not thinking about the future. Eventually I will do it. You know don’t put off for the future what you can do today. So I just think about today – what am I doing today.
ABC: Okay, so let’s talk about some of your relationships in China. How long before your first relationship in China? How did you meet her?
Randy: My first official relationship was about 3 to 4 months after I arrived because you can’t talk to any girls in China if you don’t know Chinese. So I learned enough conversational Chinese to get me around. Also I’m bored because there’s really nothing to do when I arrived here. I arrived in June, but school didn’t start until the end of September. It was a little bit boring. So every day, I’m just staying in my dormitory room doing nothing because I’m afraid to go outside. There’s this craziness about the color of your skin, the way you look, and I had dreadlocks back then, so it’s like the Predator has just arrived on the streets and people are going left and right when they see me. It was just crazy back in those days. In the evening, I would just jump over the gate of my university because it closed at 10PM. So you can’t get back in even if you jump back over. There’s another door which is closed, and you have to bribe this guy with cigarettes and stuff like that just to get back in. So I used to stay at this cafe called Be Fung Tom and just write or look at the television or just find something to do or just drink some beer. Mainly I would just write. The laptops were really expensive at that time, so I had a notebook and a pen and I would just write about what’s in my environment, what’s going on. Then I saw this girl, her name was Shao Wu and I would see her almost every night because she would stay there with her friend Be Be. Then one day I just went there to talk with her. I said, “Look, I think you are very beautiful. Do you want to sit with me?” and she was like, “Yeah.” We just had a relationship from there. When we started dating, she actually made the first move. We were going skating one day and she just took me and kissed me. That was pretty intense.
ABC: Was this your first time dating an Asian? What were the differences dating a Chinese lady vs. an American lady?
Randy: Indeed this was my first time dating an Asian woman and I was very excited. It was something very new because usually I was dating either Black women or White women. The difference is I think Chinese women are strong but in another sense. Chinese women are strong in taking care of you, making sure you’re not sick, and when you get sick they take care of you. Because I was new to China, she made sure everything was set up for me and sometimes she would just order food for me. But on the other hand, you have to do some other stuff like financially. Like if you’re going out to eat, usually the man is going to pay for everything. So she expects you to do that, as opposed to American women where you can go half and half, or the girl is going to pay or sometimes a guy pays. Usually when you’re dating a Chinese lady, you have to pay mostly for everything. Also – I guess I can get more in depth here – so when you are making love, American women sometimes can be very aggressive. But making love with the Chinese women that I was with at least, they are kind of more submissive when it comes to making love. You know it takes a little bit to get them to be more open. So they are more submissive that way, and if you are one of those guys that likes to be in control in the bedroom, then Chinese women are probably for you.
ABC: What initially attracted you to her?
Randy: What attracted me to her was her porcelain skin and her make up. She was made up very nicely and she had porcelain skin. Also a lot of Chinese women are very thin. I wasn’t used to thin women coming from America. I was used to bigger women and she was a little chubby. I would introduce her, “This is my girlfriend Shao Wu” and Chinese men would say, “Oh, she’s a bit fat.” Chinese are really direct. I didn’t really think she was fat. She was thick just like American women. So that’s what attracted me. The rest of the girls around me were too thin to me and I wasn’t attracted to them. She was like a little plumper than the average Chinese girl. When I last saw her though, she looked like a model. She was really thin, very, very thin.
ABC: Were her parents accepting of you? If not, how did you deal with that?
Randy: Her parents surprisingly were very accepting of me. They drank tea with me. They treated me very well. They fed me. And she wasn’t looking for any kind of passport or green card because they had money already. Shao Wu was like the black sheep. She wasn’t the typical Chinese girl. She didn’t take the “gaokao”, this national Chinese academic test. She didn’t go to normal school, she went to some kind of remedial school and then she went to Japan to do makeup and all this other stuff. I don’t know what happened to her. The last time I heard from her was 6 or 7 years ago. I probably will never see her again, but her parents were very accepting of me. I was worried about that. When I arrived at their house, when it was time to sleep, of course I would sleep in one room and she slept in another room. They were totally fine with me sleeping in the same house with them. They weren’t afraid or nothing like that. So Chinese parents, many of them can be accepting. Shao Wu was just a different type of girl so you have to take that into consideration.
ABC: How long did you date her in total and why did you break up?
Randy: We dated for about a year? We really only made love like 3 times, because she was still kind of that traditional type of girl, and plus we did not really have anywhere to do anything. But we were still dating and hugging and kissing each other and stuff like that. We dated for a year and then she had to go to Japan so she moved to Japan. We weren’t that deep in a relationship so I wasn’t trying to move to Japan for the relationship. She moved to Japan and we just floated apart from each other. She came back to China and she would email me and tell me that she was in Shenyang. I would go to see her in Shenyang, but she had a new boyfriend, so there were boundaries. Then she went to Japan again. We just understood that it was over. It was good while it lasted. I just think she wanted to experiment with different kinds of people.
ABC: What did you learn from the relationship?
Randy: I learned how to treat Chinese women. You can’t be very aggressive with Chinese women. You have to kind of let them lead subliminally. I learned that physically the Chinese female body is exquisite. I mean even though Chinese men said she was fat, what’s fat to Chinese is almost a perfect body to Americans. Fat to Chinese is like a perfect voluptuous body to Americans. With the clothes on you can’t really tell, but when the clothes are off, you are like “Whoa, what just happened.” Even the nerdiest Chinese girls I have dated, when they take off their clothes, you are like “Wow, that’s something completely different.” So that’s one of the things that I learned.
ABC: What about your second relationship?
Randy: The second relationship was a girl that I met in a nightclub. I was with some friends, some White guys from England and America. As you know, Asians love White men so you know it was a bit harder for me to get women, because I don’t have blue eyes and blonde hair and my skin isn’t pale. So most of the time I just stayed quiet. I danced and stuff like that, but mainly I was quiet. One time this girl just started talking to me and then we became like a thing, but that relationship didn’t last very long, maybe like eight months.
ABC: What attracted you to her?
Randy: She was your typical Asian girl at the club. She looked alright, but nothing really stood out with her, unlike the first girl, Shao Wu. Also I never met her parents. She was divorced from her husband and she have broken English. It was just like a casual dating thing, it wasn’t a very deep relationship. We broke up over time.
ABC: Was there another relationship before you met your wife?
Randy: Yeah, the third girl, actually I took her from my White guy European friend. He and I were roommates and he had a ton of girls. He used to bring girls over every day. So I told him, “Yo, let me get this one.” She was like sexy staring at me at McDonalds and she was a 10 out of 10. We went out as a group to McDonalds and she just kept staring at me on some sexy staring at me stuff. I was like, “Yo, you gotta let me have this one” and he was like, “Go ahead, I don’t care anything about her at all.” So we actually started dated after that and that ended me and my friend’s relationship because he actually felt something for her, even though he had like 20 or 30 women all at the same time.
So she and I became a thing. I met her parents and we dated. Then she got into some trouble because she ran into some guy with a car, so she wanted to move to Dalian. It’s a long story, but I moved with her to Dalian. To make a long story short, she cheated on me with another guy, a White dude, and that was the end of that. So that kind of depressed me. We were dating for like 5 months and this girl was at the top of my list, like above Shao Wu, the first girl. The feelings that I felt for this girl were strong, but it was just a disaster because I think she just wanted a green card or something like that. I was a novice, so I didn’t really know that basically with this type of girl, you just date her for a few nights and then you just leave her. You don’t get into a relationship with this type of girl. She was psychologically scarred. She had something happen to her when she was in Germany and she had a Chinese boyfriend there. He dumped her for a German girl because he wanted to get a German green card. So she was kind of like a scorned woman and I really didn’t know that. So yeah I was a victim of her rampage. That was my third real relationship and the most serious girl that I dated before I got married.
ABC: Sorry to hear about that, but hopefully others can learn from your experience. So let’s move on to Jenny, the woman who would become your wife. How did you meet her?
Randy: So I met Jenny on ICQ and once I met her she helped change my opinion about some things. She was working for a Fortune 500 company at that time, but I met her on ICQ. She came and met me and we had dinner, and then we started dating. I met her in 2006 and we got married three years later. So we were dating, but I was still playing around at first and Jenny was always there. I was like “Yo, what you doing?” and she was like, “I’m at home.” So I would go there and we would hang out, so I was like a dog coming back home. I had become disillusioned with China after a lot of crazy stuff happened. Women didn’t want to marry you, they wanted to bang you. Or their White husband would want to watch you bang their Chinese wife and I felt that crap was kind of sick. Who wants to see that? I had that kind of crap happening in my life and Jenny was always there. So one day I decided to start being a good guy and then we decided to get married. That’s how it happened. It was pretty simple, it wasn’t such a big deal. We were in bed together and I was like “Jenny, do you want to get married?” She said “Yes” and she was very firm, “YES.” So I was like “ok.” At that time, I was doing good. I hadn’t been dating anyone for like 5 or 6 months. So I knew that I wanted to ask her that question. So I said to myself, “Let me see what being hitched is like. You can’t have any other women, you can’t talk to other women.” So that’s how that happened.
We’ve been married since 2009 and now is 2015 on the way to 2016. I think it’s going pretty well. We do not have many problems and we have a daughter. She’s 4 years old and she’s beautiful. I just love to show off my daughter, how beautiful she is, how cute she is. I used to have all these Chinese women tell me that Black and Chinese babies don’t come out looking good, they come out ugly. They said that only White and Chinese babies come out good looking, so I just love to show off my beautiful daughter. It’s basically a proverbial middle finger to all those people who think that Black and Chinese do not produce beautiful children.
ABC: From your videos, Jenny seems like a very good woman. What made her interested in or attracted to you?
Randy: Jenny, my wife, in all honesty, she’s very ordinary. She’s an ordinary girl and her parents were very, very strict toward her when she was young. She couldn’t do a lot of things, like she couldn’t go outside, she didn’t have any friends because her father was always like study, study, study, and her mother just listened to whatever the father said. Jenny was interested in science and art and her father said, “No, you are going to study something that can make money.” That was like the ’80s and ’90s. Actually her mother was part of the Cultural Revolution. She was one of the Red Guards. Not the extreme Red Guards who were actually killing and persecuting people, but they had many different Red Guard factions. Her mother was a Red Guard and she got to go to the University, which a lot of people did not get to do. Ironically her mother was a physics teacher. So Jenny didn’t get to go out and explore life. So what happens to children who are raised by very strict parents, they go to the opposite side, like they rebel to the opposite side, the most extreme opposite of whatever your parents were lecturing you about. So, for example, if the parents lecture the kid about not smoking, when the kid gets older, they’re going to go smoke marijuana because they never had a chance to experiment. So basically that’s what happened with Jenny. She told me she liked Black men since she was like 20. They had American TV shows in China like The Cosby Show, and she was attracted to Black people and Indian people. So that’s how that came about.
She also didn’t like the status quo where Chinese men are very rigid. They believe things like a woman should be like this, a woman should stay at home and cook and all of that stuff. A woman should not work and that kind of thing. So Jenny always wanted to work and go out and do her own thing. I’m not the boss of the house, I’m not over her, and so we are kind of equal in that sense. If I want to do something, like if I really feel strongly about doing something, she can convince me not to do it. For example, today is my daughter’s first day of her second year of primary school and I feel very strongly in my mind that we need to give the teachers some gift like money, or a small piece of gold, or small piece of silver, because in my experience, those parents who do that, their children get treated better. I feel very strongly about that, but Jenny managed to talk me out of it. I don’t want to do it, but I feel very strongly about it because that’s the reality of China, but Jenny convinced me not to do it. She says Xi Jinping (the current General Secretary of the Communist Party of China), is trying to stop corruption in China, so we should be examples of trying to stop corruption. So she managed to stop me. Jenny’s a very strong woman in that regard.
ABC: What’s the best thing about your marriage with Jenny?
Randy: The best thing of my marriage with Jenny is of course Xena, our daughter, because she came out so beautiful! She is a big part of the glue that keeps us together. We promised each other that whatever differences we may have in the future – we don’t have any differences now, but if we ever do – we are not going to get divorced. We going to stay together for Xena. That’s one of the things that I like about Jenny.
The other thing is that there’s not a lot of pressure with Jenny. When I was in the west, the western girls would be just so demanding. Chinese girls are demanding too, but they’re not as demanding with foreigners as they are with Chinese men. It depends on which Chinese girl you meet. I got lucky to meet Jenny. She’s not like a gold digger or trying to just get a green card. Right now, Jenny has a green card and we are not even in the US. Right now, she’s actually thinking about giving it back. A lot of time she thinks about giving it back because she’s just like, “Shanghai is better.” She’s been to New York, Boston, and many places in America and around the world because of her job, and she tells me that Shanghai is the number one place to live. It’s not from her being patriotic, it’s just from her comparing different places. What’s the best place for a family or for getting a job, and she sees like I see that it’s Shanghai. We are both on the same wavelength, so that’s another thing I like about her. You know if I really want to do something, we can talk about it and we can do it, even despite her very strong mind. With Jenny, she’s physically good looking, mentally we cultivate each other – we are both intelligent people.
We are also opposite people. She’s very logical and practical, and I’m very castles in the sky, imaginative, looking for the next big thing trying to teleport this family out of mediocrity. To maybe just move this family from middle class or lower middle class, to upper middle class. So I have all these ideas in my head and this YouTube thing is the one that worked. But I’ve had other stuff like real estate, international trading, and buying gold, and Jenny has been there with me not only mentally, but financially. Some months she just tells me that she will pay for everything that month, and that I should just go pursue my dreams and see what comes of it. She’s been very supportive in that way and I have failed in my ventures many times, but fortunately we are doing pretty well now, thank God. Most western woman would not have supported me after all of those failures. I have finally kinda succeeded in something and in the future if everything goes well, we can benefit from that.
ABC: What has been the most challenging aspect of your marriage with Jenny?
Randy: The most challenging aspect is probably her parents. I wanted a nuclear family and Chinese people, they have a traditional family. That is a big problem because her mother is here. You know one day I would just like to run around the house naked with nobody here and do what I like. But I have her parents here and Jenny has her “ayi” here, which is a Chinese maid or a babysitter/maid. I didn’t grow up with this type of stuff. I’m pretty independent and I’m trying to wean her off of the dependence on her mother. Her mother is a nice woman, but she is very controlling. I just feel like there is a conflict with my culture which is a nuclear family and independent, but if you have someone who is just doing everything for you, you never really learn to be independent, and that can trickle down to your career. It can prevent you from being ambitious I believe.
So we have this kind of problem, and the other problem is me wanting to be a better husband, like wanting a better job. The job I have is a pretty decent job, but it’s not the best job. Jenny knows that sometimes it’s a problem with me, but sometimes it a problem with discrimination and racism in China which basically creates a glass ceiling for Blacks in China. I’ve almost got out of this rut like several times and our life can be much, much better. So that’s one of the challenges that we have. I want to be more successful and my measure of success is different from her measure of success. Her measure of success is a 9 to 5 job, average pay, and just live your life, we have our daughter, just be a happy family. But me, I’m just more ambitious. Because of my family difficulties, I started further behind in the race of life, so how do I get ahead. So that affects me.
ABC: Do you and Jenny know or hang out with any other Black and Asian couples in China
Randy: Not really, it’s mostly like White and Asian here. There’s not many Black and Asian couples. In Shanghai, most of the Black people I see are in Black and White relationships, like Black and Russian. Part of it is me not wanting to hang out with other couples and another part is I’m basically a loner, so I don’t have many friends to begin with. We did know two interracial couples. In one, the woman was Chinese and the guy was Nigerian American. We had dinner with them one time and that was a great experience. We really enjoyed each other’s company, but they ended up going back to the US. Then I had a work associate, he’s Kenyan and the wife is White Scottish. We hung out with them once and we would do it more often, but they live far away. I want to hang out with Black and Asian couples so that Xena can see that there are kids that look like her. This guy’s kids, they sorta look like Xena, except they don’t have Asian eyes. There are some single Black and Asian dating couples here, but married couples hanging out with single couples is kind of weird. Actual Black and Asian married couples in China, I don’t know so many of them.
ABC: Let’s move on to your advice for others based on your experience in China. What advice would you have for an African American guy considering a move to China? Any dos and don’ts?
Randy: Your website, ABC, is focused on Black and Asian relationships, but I think one of the headaches of living in China, is the White worship, because there is White worship here, especially by Chinese girls. I remember it has happened to me so many times here in China where you meet a girl maybe online, you start talking to her, and she seems attracted to you because you’re from America. She is all into you and everything, but she hasn’t seen your picture yet. She’s very enthusiastic, she sends you massive messages, she’s so educated, maybe working for a Fortune 500 company as a secretary, she looks good. Then she sees your picture and she sees that you’re Black, and then suddenly all communication stops. She is not talking to you any more, and she won’t answer any of your messages, and then she says, “Oh, I only like White guys.” You know in China they have a big inferiority complex with White males. For every race they have a stereotypical image in their mind about each race. So basically they see Blacks as criminals, and as dirty and all these crazy stereotypes. You wonder how the Chinese get these stereotypes because if you really look at the real facts, you find that most mass shootings and serial killing is done by White people. But when Chinese judge Whites, they are judged as individuals, but when a Black person does a crime, the whole Black race are criminals. This is a double standard and the reason why is that Europeans have always found ways to infiltrate China and infuse their culture into Chinese culture and to influence Chinese values. Things like advertisements and television defining what is beautiful. So now in China when you speak to Chinese girls and say things like, “I want a Chinese wife”, they say, “I want a White husband.” That’s why I didn’t really take relationships in China seriously, because it was very hard to actually marry a Chinese lady. I remember I was seeing a Shanghai girl and we were in bed. She liked me and we were good in the bed and everything. I really wanted to date her. While we were in bed, she was like, “Can you find me somebody?” and I was like “HUHHHH?” She said, “Like can you find me someone to date?” I’m like, “Look I’m right here. Look…, me…, here.” And she was like, “No, no, no, no. I want to marry a White guy. Blacks are good at sex and making love, that’s it.” Chinese look at White people as superior to Blacks and even superior to Chinese. Any White person that tells you that there’s no White worshiping in Asia and in China, they are BSing you because there is a whole bunch of this kind of thing in China. When Black men come to China you have to keep this in mind. It’s hard not to get angry when a Chinese woman is being very open with you, and then she sees your picture and sees that you are Black, and then she totally cuts you off like you never knew each other. This can be right after you were speaking with each other for 3 hours straight. So basically that’s how Chinese women treat Black guys. It has more to do with basically racism and bigotry and discrimination and whitewashing. It’s basically White worship. Some Chinese women actually think that they can get blue eyes by being together with a White guy, and some Chinese women think their status will improve by being together with a White guy, so you have to keep this in mind.
For Black women when you come here, basically a lot of the Asian men will see you as sex symbols. They see foreign women in general as sex symbols, but Black women even more so. They see White women basically as sluts and whores, so I’m just telling you directly that’s how it is. It’s mainly due to all the hip hop videos and like Beyoncé. They see all of this kind of stuff on the rap videos on television and then they try to mimic it in real life. So Asian guys will come up to Black women and talk to you like you some kind of harlot. They will do the catcalls and the whistles like “Heyyyyyy!” or some stuff like this. They will even say, “Let me take you out on a date”, and after one date they want to take you to their bedroom. So a lot of the times Chinese men will see Black women as sex symbols, but they will see Chinese women as pure. This is only on a general basis, not most Chinese men, but I would say that 40% to 50% of the Chinese men will see you like that, so you have to understand that.
When Black people come to China, you have to wear a thick skin because there are vast amounts of racism especially in the big cities. If you go to the smaller cities and you want to work, you’ll be better off. For dating, I found that the bigger cities may be just a little bit more difficult. The more westernized they are, it actually makes them even worse. That’s when the racism stuff starts really turning on, and it’s not about preference. Chinese do not say, “I prefer White people to other type of people.” Chinese people just have racism and prejudice. I remember when I was in Shenyang and there was this Chinese girl that came from a small city to see my friend, who is White American. She came to see him and we were at the gym and I was just being friendly. I was like “Hey, how you doing?” and she was like, “Oh yeah, everything is nice. Thank you.” A couple of hours later, I notice she is trying to avoid me. Then, he brings her back to his house with a couple of more friends, like one more guy and me. We have no intention of doing anything, we’re not thinking about this kind of thing. We are just going back to eat or whatever, because that’s where she was staying. So she brings my friend into the living room, the American White guy and he’s got blue eyes and blonde hair. She tells my friend, “How can you be friends with this Black guy? I think Black people are disgusting.” She starts saying all this type of stuff and my friend was like, “Have you even met a Black person?” and she’s like, “No”. My friend says, “Then how can you say this about a human being.” She was like, “I just don’t like Blacks. I hate them.” That’s when he cut his friendship with her and he sent her home packing. That’s just the way you gotta teach them sometimes, like in this way.
ABC: That’s pretty wild. So what advice would you have for an African American guy was considering dating a mainland Chinese lady?
Randy: It’s not so difficult, I mean you’re dating. So it’s like dating any other girl. If you are thinking about getting married, just understand that the parents might want to move in if you have children, so you have to understand that concept. Some Chinese women pick their lover over their parents, and some pick their parents over the lover. That’s going to be a big thing and you have to ask her where her loyalties lie.
Chinese people are becoming more open to dating African Americans although it’s still kind of crazy. Some Chinese parents still say don’t marry a Black person which is very sad, but you have a lot more Chinese people becoming more open to it. Whatever the Chinese think, it really depends on what is trending in American media. Chinese are influenced by American media, American TV or American movies. Whatever American media that makes it’s way to China and becomes popular, that’s the bandwagon they will jump on a lot of the time. For example, a TV show like Empire is now shown in China. I’ve heard a couple of Chinese women who say that they like it. They say, “Ohh, Empire is so good, Empire is so good!” So they might be a little more open to dating Black men now having seen Empire. When Obama got elected President, I think it got a little better for lighter skinned Blacks, lighter than my complexion because I’m dark. For example, if there ever happens to be a fully Black president, it might change their perception about dark skin Blacks.
Chinese girls for example, they love Will Smith, but if you ask them about Will Smith’s race, they really don’t know. When you tell them he is Black, they say, “Oh, ok, but he’s a lighter skin Black.” I remember Chinese women were going crazy about this character, Michael Scofield from the American TV series, Prison Break, in 2005/2006. They didn’t know that the guy who played the character Michael Scofield, Wentworth Miller, he is half Black – his father is Black and his mother is White. These Chinese women were like, “Huh! No, it can’t be!” and I’m like, “Yeah he’s Black!” Once they get educated, it’s easier to have them understand that Blacks come in different shades of colors. So if you are a light skinned Black guy, you are gonna have greater success dating Chinese girls than a darker skinned Black guy. If you are a White guy and old, Chinese girls will flock to you at the clubs because they think you have money. Everything is kind of superficial here, so you have to understand that aspect.
ABC: And what advice do you have for Chinese women who are considering dating an African American guy?
Randy: Take time to understand African American history in America. Not just music, not just sports, not just this kind of exotic fetish for Black guys. You must understand the history, the educational cultural history of African Americans in the United States. I’m talking about before the ‘70s. You have to know about slavery, what happened with Africans in America. You have to know why there is such a racial divide in America, and you just have to listen to his side of the story. I know a lot of Chinese girls that like Black guys, but they don’t really know the history of where the Black man came from. That’s very important when you understand his history. Then you will be able to appreciate him more, so it’s the most important thing. Understanding the Black man’s history, and not only in sports, not only in music, not only in entertainment. Find out who his intellectuals were other than Martin Luther King, like who was W.E.B. Dubois and Booker T. Washington, and these kind of people. If you have a Black guy for example, from New York, go to the African American Museum in Harlem. Go eat with him at Sylvia’s (a famous soul food restaurant), so you can ingest his culture and his history in an intellectual manner. Not just for entertainment, the way a lot of Asian women first meet Black men. Because a lot of time Chinese women are attracted to the masculinity of Black men, we’re so strong, and good at sports and entertainment, and we’re so funny. Chinese women have to look beyond that. That’s my advice.
ABC: Randy, great, we will wrap up here. I would like to thank you for sharing your time with us and for all the great insight. You have given us much to think about. As always, we welcome our reader’s comments below. Also, check out these links for Randy’s YT channels, Loser Laowai in China and Winner Laowai in China.