Six Steps For Black Men To Find Asian Women To Date

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Glenda Han is a well known Singaporean entrepreneur and Worker’s Party Council Member. Her husband, Matheu Kieswetter, is a South African symphony conductor and musician who relocated to Singapore. They have been married since 2013.

One of the top questions we receive at ABC is from Black men asking how can they find Asian women to date. We regularly see this question in google searches that people use to find the ABC website, and we receive this question repeatedly in email, so we finally decided that maybe we should just write a post answering this question. In this post, we will give you six steps for Black men to consider when they want to  find Asian women to date, but we will warn you in advance – some of you will not like what we have to say, mainly because we believe you should be looking for love first, not necessarily a particular race.

cj kat1
CJ Hamilton, African-Canadian, and Katherine Tran, Vietnamese-Canadian, are fashion bloggers at http://ourmode.ca – a very well done his and hers fashion blog. They have been dating since 2011.

First a couple of introductory thoughts which may help you see where we are coming from with our six steps.

  1. We believe in love. We regularly say that Love Trumps Race because we have seen it happen time and time again in interracial relationships. We recognize however that some people do not believe in love.
  2. We believe that two people falling in love, regardless of their race – Black, Asian, Hispanic, White, it doesn’t matter – is more important than Blacks finding Asians or Asians finding Blacks. Yes – we love Blasian couples and we think Blasian couples are great, but we also think that you finding love with the right person is more important than you finding an Asian person. Look for love, don’t look for a race.
  3. We believe that about 50% of Asian women will not date Black guys just because they are Black. It may be a little higher or a little lower, but it is what it is. We also believe that about 10% of Asian women actively look to date Black guys and about 40% of Asian women are open to dating Black guys, but are not actively looking to date Black guys – so about 50% of Asian women will not reject guys just because of race. For guys who want to have an issue about this, stop complaining about it and get over it. People can date whoever they like and there is nothing wrong with it. Focus on the 50% that are open to dating you, not the ones who clearly are not interested.  Also see our prior post on Types of Asian Women Most Likely To Date Black Men.

So with that background info, let’s move on to our six steps for Black men to find Asian women. We won’t pull any punches, so some of you may not hear what you want to hear. This will primarily apply to Black men, but some of it may be helpful to others as well. Also, we will speak in generalities based on our experience with many different Blasian couples, but as always, adjust these thoughts as needed to fit your unique personal situation.

gary sinan
Gary Morton, Montserratian, and his wife, Sinan, Cambodian, have been married since 2014. Gary is a leader at a large global insurance company, as well as the President and CEO of the Boston chapter of the National Black MBA Association. In 2013, Gary was named Montserrat’s Person of the Year. Together, Gary and Sinan, have run successful real estate and day care businesses, and they have two children together.

Step 1: Be Serious About Dating and Exhibit Husband-Like Qualities

Are you a true player, a playboy, or an OG (original gangster)? Is it ok to turn up or get loud or resort to violence in public? If any of these apply to you, keep doing your thing, but forget about dating Asian women. You are not going to attract Asian women by being a player or displaying aggressive behavior in public, so don’t waste your time. In general, Asian women are very serious about their dating and they do not date casually. Generally when Asian women are looking to date, they mainly look for guys who are also serious about dating, and guys who they believe are husband material. One of the top things that many Asian women evaluate when they are considering dating you is your character, and fair or not, aggressive behavior in public will typically have Asian women running away from you, not to you. Most Asian women date expecting marriage and if they sense anything about you that says that you are either not ready to be a husband, or you are not husband material, you usually won’t even be considered for dating. If you really want to date Asian women, you should be serious about finding long term love and marriage, you should always be a gentleman, you should not be afraid to show your romantic side, and you should be ready to exhibit husband-like qualities on day 1.

hill harper chloe2
Hill Harper is an African American actor and author best known for his character on the television show “CSI”. His girlfriend, Chloe Flower, Korean, is a classical pianist and human rights activist. They have been dating since 2012.

Step 2: Approach Her As A Woman, Not As An Asian

Approach Asian women as women, not as Asians. Questions like “Where are you from”, or “Where are you really from”, or “What’s your Asian ethnicity” when you first meet an Asian lady typically are a big turn off and are even considered offensive by some Asian women. Statements like “All my ex-girlfriends are Asian”, or “I just love Asian women”, or “Ni Hao”, or any other crazy statements about your assumptions about Asians are also typically turn offs. These kinds of questions and statements are seen as a sign that you have Asian fever and you are only interested in her as a race and not as a person. Most Asian women do not want to hear this crap and will immediately start to distance themselves from you once they get the slightest sense that you might have Asian fever. Keep in mind that many Asian women are hounded every day by Asian fever idiots, so your Asian remarks do not help you at all. We generally tell guys to not even think about mentioning anything Asian related to Asian women for at least 3 dates. If she wants to talk about Asian things, fine, but you should not initiate these conversations. Get to know her as a person. You should be looking for love, not for an Asian.

reshma bombaywala dimi lezinska1_1
Reshma Bombaywala is an East Indian model, jewelry designer, and actress. She is married to noted mixologist and Discovery Channel’s Cocktail Kings host, Dimitri “Dimi” Lezinska, West Indian born in France. Dimi is also the global brand ambassador for Grey Goose Vodka. Reshma and Dimi have been married since 2010.

Step 3: Be Confident With a Manly Swag, Without Being Overly Cocky or Aggressive

Do you ask questions like “Can Black men date Asian women?” or “Do Asian women like Black men?” Do you expect Asian women to approach you? If any of these apply to you, then you probably will struggle meeting Asian women. While many Black men do not have a lack of confidence, at ABC, we are still surprised at how often these kind of questions are among the top search queries that people use to find ABC. If you can not mentally imagine Black men dating Asian women, or Asian women liking Black men, you probably are not ready to date Asian women. In general, Asian women expect men to be men and women to be women, often much more so than other women, so they generally expect you to make the first approach and to show a manly type of confidence or swag without being overly cocky, aggressive, or arrogant. We understand that some Black men only see rejection from Asian women for seemingly no reason, but if this happens to you, think about your approach and figure out if there is something off in your approach. We also understand that there are many Asian women who simply won’t date Black men just because you are Black (we estimate 50% of Asian women) and it’s easy to lose your confidence if you regularly meet these type of Asian women. But in our experience, the other 50% of Asian women will not rule you out just due to race, so focus on this group. Don’t lose any sleep or one iota of confidence just because some Asian women have had such limited life experiences where they automatically rule out Black men. It’s their loss, but keep your head high and your spirit upbeat when you meet Asian women you are interested in.

Luc Bendza and wife
Luc Bendza, Gabonese, and his wife Carol Wei Bendza, Chinese. Luc is a master in Chinese martial arts, an actor, film producer, and businessman. He married his wife Carol in 2007 and they have one son together.

Step 4: Participate in Activities with Asians and Asian Cultural Events

Are there any Asians in your regular activities and events? Do you have any Asian friends and are you open to experiencing Asian cultures and foods? If you answered no to most of these questions, then it might be time to expand your horizons. If you want to meet Asian women, you should start getting used to being in places with many Asians and regularly experiencing Asian culture and food. If you start to date an Asian lady, you will definitely spend more time with her Asian relatives and friends in most cases. We have met guys who think that their Asian partner will just totally drop their Asian culture and adopt the guys culture 100%. These guys are being very unrealistic and frankly they just aren’t ready for interracial relationships. We published a prior article with a list of 20 different activities and places where you can meet Asian women which you can read separately. If you really want to date Asian women, you have to be open to making Asian friends, learning Asian languages, participating in Asian cultural events and activities, and partaking in Asian food.

marrese crump cha crump
Marrese Crump is an African American martial artist, stuntman, actor, teacher, and author. Marrese is also the creator of the CMA martial arts system, and he has performed in several Thai action movies. He is married to Cha Crump from Thailand and they have one child together.

Step 5: Be Realistic About Whether Your Location is Helping You or Hurting You

Are you trying to find Asians to date in the Midwest, the South, or other places that don’t have a lot of Asians. Well, it’s not impossible, but it’s very difficult. We have prior posts on the Top 15 Places In the US for Black Men to Date Asian Women and the Top Places Globally for Black Men to Date Asian Women that you can check out, but generally, the best cities to meet Asians in the US who are more likely to date Black men are either on the west coast with cities like San Fran, Oakland, LA, San Diego, Seattle, or Honolulu, OR on the east coast in cities like NYC or DC. Even if you can’t be in one of those places on a regular basis, being there on a part-time basis might be a good option to meet Asian women as well. Even better than all of the US cities mentioned is having a 1 to 3 year assignment overseas in Asia. When you are totally surrounded by Asians, unless your approach to women is just totally off, you are practically guaranteed to meet a suitable lady in Asia this way, but we also realize that living overseas is not very practical for many guys. Location matters, so be realistic and think about whether your location might be working against you.

james donaldson
James Donaldson, African English, is a retired 19 year professional basketball player. He married his wife, Meirong Zheng, Chinese in 2012 after meeting her on an online dating site.

Step 6: Consider Asian Dating Sites

We tend to think that meeting in person is better than meeting online, but if nothing else works, or if you are just stuck in a location that is not very amenable to dating Asians, spending a little money to join the right Asian dating site can work for many guys. We have seen many Black men be very successful and find their Asian fiance or wife on three Asian dating sites which we reviewed in a prior post. We highly recommend you check out this post if you decide to use dating sites. You still have to be serious about long term dating and marriage for these sites to really work for you, so if you are just looking for casual dating, don’t waste your time on these sites. Using these dating sites may also lead to international or long distance dating situations, but these days many Asian women located in western countries are also participating on these dating sites in part because they know the men on these sites tend to be more serious about long term dating leading to marriage. These days, it’s possible to find Asian women on these sites who might indeed be closer to your current location, but you should be prepared for long distance dating if you find the right lady. It’s also easy to register at these sites for free and determine if there are any real Asian female candidates that make sense for you before you commit to a paid membership at these sites. If you do decide to become a paid member, the fees for a one month or three month membership at these sites are very reasonable, but register and check it out for free first and then decide.

Finally, if you really want to date Asian women, and you have tried everything and nothing is working, we think you either have to A) move to Asia for awhile, or B) find an Asian lady on the dating sites who will move to where you are, or C) consider dating non-Asian women.

Summary

Ultimately, dating is about finding love, getting married, and creating a family with that person. Dating is an important activity that should not be taken lightly and you should be focused on finding love, not necessarily finding an Asian. We happen to believe that Blasian couples are very special.  In part due to the level of adversity that Blasian couples often face, Blasian couples often have to fight for their love which tends to just make their bond and their love stronger. However if you find the love of your life with a non-Asian, don’t be stuck on stupid trying to force a Blasian couple relationship work. Black and Asian relationships are not for everyone.

If this list of six steps makes you re-think dating Asian women, we think that’s fine. Let’s face it, the differences between some Black men and some Asian women just will not make sense. Do what is right for you and your future family, not what you see as the latest trend. If however, you find yourself in a compatible and loving relationship with an Asian lady, we believe there are many great aspects of being in a Blasian couple relationship that can bring a lifetime of love and happiness.

Good luck to everyone!

ABC1

4 COMMENTS

  1. Great advice for the serious daters. Do you have any advice for the casual daters? Casual dating certainly does happen in Asia, but as you have mentioned, Black men are not first round draft picks when it comes to Asian women.

    • TheGrandAdmiral,

      Thanks for your note. We agree that this article is really more focused on serious daters as that is the group that we generally focus on here at ABC. We really don’t focus on the casual dater much, but we would guess that Black guys looking for Asian women for casual dating will likely only find success with 5% or less of the Asian female population. The vast bulk of Asian women seem to be naturally geared to serious dating. In terms of where to find the 5% or less of Asian women open to casually dating Black men, our guesses would be some of the hookup oriented Facebook groups, and some of the free dating sites like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid where you can just play the numbers game, but these are just guesses.

      Thanks for visiting ABC.

  2. Please inform my Brothers, that FAMILY IS FIRST, an He Will Always be Second… But second is like being a King. I’m dating a Blasian from Vietnamese. an in Love

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