What Do Asian Women Think About Black Men

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Here at ABC, there are a couple of questions that we regularly hear from Black men. Where can Black men find Asian women – see our thoughts here. What’s the best approach to Asian women – see our thoughts here. What are the best dating sites for Black men to find Asian women – see our thoughts here. And finally, what do Asian women think about Black men – what do they like or dislike about Black men. To to answer this last question, we asked 30 Asian women directly for their thoughts about Black men.

How We Collected Feedback From Asian Women

At ABC, we know and interact with plenty of Asian and Black couples both throughout the US and across the globe. We also regularly receive questions and comments from Asian women through our ABC websites. To give our readers direct feedback from Asian women about what they like and dislike about Black men, we sent a very short 3 question survey to 30 Asian women we know who are either married to a Black man, engaged to a Black man, or have been long term dating with a Black man. Our response from the 30 Asian women was excellent and we promised all survey participants that we will keep their feedback confidential and anonymous. In this article we will share the aggregate results of the survey and anonymous comments from the feedback, but we will not reveal any of the participants in the survey.

Since we only asked Asian women already in a relationship with Black men, we know that our survey results are skewed to Asian women who are favorable to at least one Black man, and we are fine with that bias in the data. As our regular readers know, at ABC based on our experience, we believe that about 50% of Asian women have no interest in Black men and will not date them simply because they are Black. We also believe that 40% of Asian women are not necessarily looking to date Black men, but are open to dating a Black man if they meet someone they click with. Finally, we see about 10% of Asian women who are definitely looking to meet Black men. Our advice has consistently been for Black men to focus on the 50% of Asian women who are at least open to dating a Black man, and to forget about the 50% who won’t give them the time of day. So we are perfectly fine that our survey only covers the 50% of Asian women who are at least open to Black men.

One additional point about the group of women we surveyed is that we believe it is incorrect to think that just because an Asian woman is in a relationship with a Black man, that she therefore is favorable towards all Black men. Based on our experience, this is very much not true. Most Asian women who date Black men date them because there is something about that particular Black man that they like, not because they like all Black men. For most Asian women, being in love and the quality of your character matter much more than your race. So don’t assume that our survey group will necessarily go easy on Black men just because they are in a relationship with a Black man. The women were very straightforward with us and that is the kind of honest feedback that we were looking to find.

Finally, before we get into the feedback from the Asian women, we have to say that most all of the women told us that they did not want to over generalize Black men and they recognize that all Black men are different. The feedback from the women is simply meant to be constructive feedback and is in no way meant to be negative or stereotypical. At ABC, we deal with this issue of generalities in all of our articles, and we regularly tell our readers that while we will speak in generalities, we recognize that everyone is different. If these comments do not apply to you, please adjust the comments as necessary to fit your personal situation. In the end, this is meant to be constructive and we are trying to help Black guys (as well as other guys) better understand Asian women and what they like and dislike. We see many Black guys approach Asian women totally in the wrong way, so we want to help give them some clues about what works and what doesn’t work. In the next sections, we will cover the 3 questions from the survey and the responses from the Asian women.

A. What do you like about your Black boyfriend / fiance / husband?

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This question gives us some insight about the qualities that made these Asian women fall for their particular Black guy. The responses are listed from most frequently mentioned to least frequently mentioned.

1. He is a Family Man

It was not surprising to us that being family oriented was very attractive to Asian women. Generally Asian women are very family oriented, so being with a guy that is also family oriented is important to many Asian women. One lady shared that she loved that her man was fiercely loyal to her and their family and that he adores his mother. Notice what she says in that statement – loyalty to her, loyalty to his family, and adoration for his mother – these are important qualities.

2. He Loves Me With His Heart

Asian women appreciate love. The women talked about how they like all the love and caring they received from their man, and how they knew that their men would always protect them no matter what happens – ride or die. We regularly tell our readers that Asian women take their dating seriously. In our experience, Asian women generally date with the expectation of love and marriage, and we seldom see Asian women dating casually. Your love needs to be genuine and from the heart. If you believe that being in love is corny, you need to rethink that.

3. He is Handsome

Looks are also important. Asian women talked about liking how fine their man was, the muscles, the athletic build, the great skin tone, and the hair. Some talked about how they liked the fact that their man looked different and exotic compared to men that they grew up with in Asia. Being different can sometimes be an advantage, but being in great shape with good grooming also goes a long way.

4. He Lets Me Be Myself

It was interesting to see this characteristic rank highly in the feedback from the Asian women because we hear this often in our conversations with Asian women dating Black men. Women shared how they liked the fact that their man does not try to control them and that he is fine with her just being herself. Some women told us that when they dated Asian men, they found them to be very controlling with lots of expectations from the culture. Other Asian women told us that when they dated White guys, they felt that they had to live up to this view of Western women, and how some White men really want them to assimilate into White culture. However when they dated Black men, there were no expectations to live up to, and they felt totally free to just be themselves with complete acceptance from their guy.

5. He is Funny

The women said they liked how their guy was funny, how he made them laugh all the time, and how he was always fun to be around. Being able to be relaxed and natural and make the lady laugh is important. It’s hard to have a bad day when you are always laughing 🙂

6. Other Things

Other things that Asian women mentioned less frequently were:

  • He is professional
  • He is not afraid to show his emotions with me
  • He is patient
  • He is strong in his faith
  • He wasn’t shy about approaching me
  • He has attractive chocolate brown skin
  • I just love him. I can’t explain it.

B. Being Constructive, What Do You Not Like About Black Men in General?

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This question gives us some insight about things that can turn off Asian women. Again, keep in mind in this section that the Asian women are trying to be constructive.

1. Do Not Want To Over Generalize

We were impressed that even though the Asian women knew that they could freely speak their mind because they were promised complete confidentiality and anonymity, the top response was that they did not want to generalize because they know that all Black men are different. They see others over generalize about Black men and they did not want to do the same and we appreciate that.

2. Do Not Know A Lot Of Black Men

This could be a different way for Asian women to say that they do not want to over generalize, but it is also proof of our earlier point that just because an Asian women is in a relationship with a Black man, it doesn’t mean that she knows a lot of Black men, or that she likes all Black men. Love and character matter more than race when Asian women decide to be with any man.

3. Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Not Serious

Some women commented that they did not like guys who just want to have fun, or guys that could not be serious or responsible. This is a clear turn off for the Asian women we spoke with in the survey.

4. Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Not On Time

This one may be related to men who are not serious, but several women mentioned being annoyed by men who are consistently not on time. So for those guys who practice CP time, it’s not a good look.

5. Do Not Like That Asian Women Have Small Butts

This one surprised us at how often it was mentioned. Several of the Asian women said that their Black man likes women with big butts and they did not like the fact or felt insecure that they did not have a big butt. Some worried that it could lead to their man finding another woman with a big butt attractive. Some Asian women who met their men when they lived in Asia felt more secure in Asia because they felt like not many Asian women have big butts, but when they moved to the US, they felt more insecure because there are many women with big butts in the US. Frankly, we think this is an opportunity for Black men to be more reassuring to their Asian woman if this is something that she worries about.

6. Other Things

Again, keep in mind that almost everyone said that these things that Asian women do not like about Black men apply to ALL men, but my question was about Black men. Asian women do not like any men who are not serious or who are not on time. Other items that were mentioned less frequently include:

  • Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Too Blunt or Rude
  • Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Too Macho About Roles For Men vs. Women
  • Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Uneducated
  • Do Not Like Black Men Who Smoke Weed

C. Being Constructive, What Should Black Men Change About The Way They Approach Asian Women

BMAW comic by Adam Pasion

The first two questions had a good variety of answers, but with this last question, there were only 3 responses from all of the Asian women who responded. So the women were very consistent in how they think about this question.

1. Do Not Be So Aggressive / Thirsty In Approaching Asian Women

The women were very clear on this point. Some of the specific comments from the women were:

  • Don’t tell me how beautiful I am over and over and over
  • Don’t be so obvious that you like me immediately after you just met me
  • Stop showing off for me
  • Stop hitting on me on the street
  • Don’t act so aggressive
  • Don’t be so thirsty to get an Asian girl
  • Don’t try to move so quickly
  • Don’t fall in love with me before we even go on a first date
  • Don’t make me feel like you only want sex
  • Be humble
  • Take your time to get to know me and let me get to know you
  • Start as good friends first
  • Ask me out for coffee first instead of asking me to come chill at your house
  • Make Asian women feel comfortable with you before you try to escalate the relationship

2. Don’t Approach Asian Women As A Race

This is somewhat related to not being aggressive and thirsty, but it’s more specific around not making the Asian lady feel like you are only interested in her because of her race. Approach her as a person, not as an Asian. Some of the specific comments from the women are:

  • Don’t tell me how much you like Asian women
  • Don’t tell me how much you want to marry an Asian woman
  • Don’t tell me that you only date Asian women
  • Don’t ask me where I’m from or where am I really from
  • Don’t assume you know my language or culture immediately after we meet
  • Don’t treat me as a stereotype
  • I am not here to fulfill your Asian fantasies
  • Remember that Asian women are normal women, the same as anyone else

3. Do Not Really Know How Black Men Approach Asian Women

Similar to the second question on the survey, some Asian women said they did not know that many Black men outside of their boyfriend / husband, so they weren’t sure about how Black men were approaching Asian women.

Summary

We really appreciate all of the direct feedback the women shared with us. Sometimes Black men do not have that much exposure to Asian women, and sometimes Asian women are a little shy about sharing their opinions in public, so hopefully an article like this with constructive advice directly from Asian women can bring some insight for our readers. The advice from the Asian women is very clear – be serious about love and building a family, and do not come on too strong or thirsty or throw a bunch of Asian stereotypes at her. If you are just looking to play and not be serious, if you don’t really believe in love, if you just want a quick, casual relationship, and if you are chasing some Asian fantasy, good luck with that, but you are not likely going to be successful with Asian women. As our regular readers already know, while we at ABC believe in Blasian couple relationships, we also believe that you should be looking for love first and foremost, not necessarily for an Asian woman. Blasian couple relationships are not for everyone. Now that you have more insight into how Asian women think about Black men, you can hopefully make more informed decisions about how you interact with Asian women.

If you want to see more on other popular questions that we receive at ABC, check out the following posts. For the question, “Where can Black men find Asian women?” – see our thoughts here. For the question, “What’s the best approach to Asian women?” – see our thoughts here. And for the question, “What are the best dating sites for Black men to find Asian women?” – see our thoughts here.

As always, we welcome your thoughts or additional insights on this topic in the comments below.

Wishing everyone all the best!

ABC1

8 COMMENTS

  1. Finally, Asian women are not very different from other kind of women, but I admit I laughed when I read that some of them feel insecure because of their little butt! ^^
    I dont think it would be a reason for any black men to broke with their gf or divorce with their wife, come on girls..
    I am surprised as well to how open minded they are, when they said they don’t want to generalize..I know lot of Asians people (especially Chinese ones) who are really scared of black people, even if they have never talked to any black men.. I have lot of anecdotes about how Chinese people are scared of black people, but I can’t tell here in comment! Anyway.. It was interesting, thanks ABC.

  2. Wow. This was entertaining. I just stumbled on this site after looking up Michael Takahashi (fantasizing about my future child). This site is intelligent, deep, funny and real. Very insightful and entertaining!

  3. Insightful article, the only part I found a little odd or maybe it was the way it was asked or the way the way it was answered was don’t ask me where I’m from, I mean why not? Is it really that bad too know where anyone is from, this question is asked of anyone else your either interested in as friends or more it’s just an average question.

    • Sid,
      Thanks for your comment. You make a valid point, but it’s a matter of being sensitive often. Many Asians feel like White people or Black people are seldom asked what country they are from, so why is it different for Asians. For instance if a White person or Black person responds to the question, “Where are you from?” with “I’m from Chicago”, it’s unlikely they will receive the follow up question, “But no, where are you really from?”, or “No, where are your ancestors from?”. But Asians hear those kind of questions all of the time and it gets old. It’s almost like people have no problem accepting that White people or Black people are Americans, but with an Asian person, it’s harder to accept that maybe they really are just an Asian American from Chicago.

      The other issue is the yellow fever nonsense that many Asian women deal with literally every time they step outside their house for some Asian women. It’s easy for some Asian women to become very jaded about race or nationality when they hear guys approach them non-stop with conversation about their race or nationality instead of conversation about them as a person. In a different kind of way, you see some Black people also become very sensitive to other people making racial comments because many times they have become jaded about race due to a history of people having some really messed up concepts about Black people. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s a similar phenomenon. If you understand what people have dealt with in their lives, then it just makes sense to be sensitive to how you approach them about those topics.

      All of that aside, here are three other thoughts to consider on this question. First, not all Asians are as sensitive to the “where are you from” question, the same way not all Blacks are as sensitive to people expressing racial perceptions. After you get to know someone as a person first, you will know when you can and can’t bring up this question. Secondly, we find that as long as your initial conversation is not about “where are you from” or nationality, many Asians will reveal their nationality either directly or indirectly after 10 to 20 minutes of just simple conversation. Really there is no reason to ask most times as either the mention of last names, or favorite foods, or favorite grocery markets, or landmarks, or childhood events will give you plenty of clues about their nationality. Finally, what does it matter? Once you find out that the person’s nationality is Japanese or Chinese, are you really going to change your behavior towards them? In the long run, hopefully people deal with each other as people, and their personal traits determine how you deal with them much more than their race or nationality.

      Thanks for visiting ABC!

  4. This is an interesting article. I’m currently engaged to a Filipina woman for a little over a year and July 2017 will mark our 5-year relationship. I for one can say I didn’t have an interest in Asian women but was open to dating one. I think an issue that has not been touched upon is what Black men go through in today’s society and knowledge of Asian culture (depending on what type of asian your dating). I mentioned to my future wife that being with a Black man comes with a set of problems that are not our doing. (Just pick a stereotype)..whether it be looks, sexual prowess, athleticism etc. She understood but had an eye opening experience when she met my fellow black male friends (TV and movies paint a false image of us). A lot of use are passionate about our own history (actual history) and legacy, we are family oriented (we love our mothers) however, the issue occurs when we stand up for black women. Although we are dating asian women, we don’t abandon black women in a sense in leaving her unprotected from the terrorism of White society (I’m from the U.S. and Trump is the president so you get the picture). Thats like us abandoning our mothers, sisters, aunts and female cousins. I suggest that before dating a black man/woman, Asians should also do some history on us and get the facts. The same goes for black people who do the same. I had to do my culture homework on the Philippines so I can get a better understanding on who they are as a people (The good and the tragic parts of the culture and history). I believe that is imperative once you start or are thinking about dating, marriage or having children.

    5. Do Not Like That Asian Women Have Small Butts:
    This is funny to me..trust us we know you don’t have big butts. If that was a criteria we wouldn’t date you but we do understand you need reassurance and I hope you get it from your male counterpart. What I do suggest is you don’t let that bother you. You were chosen for your own unique qualities (persona, beauty,etc) I noticed that there are women who see you with us (black, white, latina) and think that since they have these physical qualities that they can scoop us away (from my own personal experience). Don’t believe the hype, if thats all they’re offering we are not looking.

    Excellent article I’m looking forward to reading more. 🙂

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