Here at ABC, there are a couple of questions that we regularly hear from Black men. Where can Black men find Asian women – see our thoughts here. What’s the best approach to Asian women – see our thoughts here. What are the best dating sites for Black men to find Asian women – see our thoughts here. And finally, what do Asian women think about Black men – what do they like or dislike about Black men. To to answer this last question, we asked 30 Asian women directly for their thoughts about Black men.
How We Collected Feedback From Asian Women
At ABC, we know and interact with plenty of Asian and Black couples both throughout the US and across the globe. We also regularly receive questions and comments from Asian women through our ABC websites. To give our readers direct feedback from Asian women about what they like and dislike about Black men, we sent a very short 3 question survey to 30 Asian women we know who are either married to a Black man, engaged to a Black man, or have been long term dating with a Black man. Our response from the 30 Asian women was excellent and we promised all survey participants that we will keep their feedback confidential and anonymous. In this article we will share the aggregate results of the survey and anonymous comments from the feedback, but we will not reveal any of the participants in the survey.
Since we only asked Asian women already in a relationship with Black men, we know that our survey results are skewed to Asian women who are favorable to at least one Black man, and we are fine with that bias in the data. As our regular readers know, at ABC based on our experience, we believe that about 50% of Asian women have no interest in Black men and will not date them simply because they are Black. We also believe that 40% of Asian women are not necessarily looking to date Black men, but are open to dating a Black man if they meet someone they click with. Finally, we see about 10% of Asian women who are definitely looking to meet Black men. Our advice has consistently been for Black men to focus on the 50% of Asian women who are at least open to dating a Black man, and to forget about the 50% who won’t give them the time of day. So we are perfectly fine that our survey only covers the 50% of Asian women who are at least open to Black men.
One additional point about the group of women we surveyed is that we believe it is incorrect to think that just because an Asian woman is in a relationship with a Black man, that she therefore is favorable towards all Black men. Based on our experience, this is very much not true. Most Asian women who date Black men date them because there is something about that particular Black man that they like, not because they like all Black men. For most Asian women, being in love and the quality of your character matter much more than your race. So don’t assume that our survey group will necessarily go easy on Black men just because they are in a relationship with a Black man. The women were very straightforward with us and that is the kind of honest feedback that we were looking to find.
Finally, before we get into the feedback from the Asian women, we have to say that most all of the women told us that they did not want to over generalize Black men and they recognize that all Black men are different. The feedback from the women is simply meant to be constructive feedback and is in no way meant to be negative or stereotypical. At ABC, we deal with this issue of generalities in all of our articles, and we regularly tell our readers that while we will speak in generalities, we recognize that everyone is different. If these comments do not apply to you, please adjust the comments as necessary to fit your personal situation. In the end, this is meant to be constructive and we are trying to help Black guys (as well as other guys) better understand Asian women and what they like and dislike. We see many Black guys approach Asian women totally in the wrong way, so we want to help give them some clues about what works and what doesn’t work. In the next sections, we will cover the 3 questions from the survey and the responses from the Asian women.
A. What do you like about your Black boyfriend / fiance / husband?
This question gives us some insight about the qualities that made these Asian women fall for their particular Black guy. The responses are listed from most frequently mentioned to least frequently mentioned.
1. He is a Family Man
It was not surprising to us that being family oriented was very attractive to Asian women. Generally Asian women are very family oriented, so being with a guy that is also family oriented is important to many Asian women. One lady shared that she loved that her man was fiercely loyal to her and their family and that he adores his mother. Notice what she says in that statement – loyalty to her, loyalty to his family, and adoration for his mother – these are important qualities.
2. He Loves Me With His Heart
Asian women appreciate love. The women talked about how they like all the love and caring they received from their man, and how they knew that their men would always protect them no matter what happens – ride or die. We regularly tell our readers that Asian women take their dating seriously. In our experience, Asian women generally date with the expectation of love and marriage, and we seldom see Asian women dating casually. Your love needs to be genuine and from the heart. If you believe that being in love is corny, you need to rethink that.
3. He is Handsome
Looks are also important. Asian women talked about liking how fine their man was, the muscles, the athletic build, the great skin tone, and the hair. Some talked about how they liked the fact that their man looked different and exotic compared to men that they grew up with in Asia. Being different can sometimes be an advantage, but being in great shape with good grooming also goes a long way.
4. He Lets Me Be Myself
It was interesting to see this characteristic rank highly in the feedback from the Asian women because we hear this often in our conversations with Asian women dating Black men. Women shared how they liked the fact that their man does not try to control them and that he is fine with her just being herself. Some women told us that when they dated Asian men, they found them to be very controlling with lots of expectations from the culture. Other Asian women told us that when they dated White guys, they felt that they had to live up to this view of Western women, and how some White men really want them to assimilate into White culture. However when they dated Black men, there were no expectations to live up to, and they felt totally free to just be themselves with complete acceptance from their guy.
5. He is Funny
The women said they liked how their guy was funny, how he made them laugh all the time, and how he was always fun to be around. Being able to be relaxed and natural and make the lady laugh is important. It’s hard to have a bad day when you are always laughing 🙂
6. Other Things
Other things that Asian women mentioned less frequently were:
- He is professional
- He is not afraid to show his emotions with me
- He is patient
- He is strong in his faith
- He wasn’t shy about approaching me
- He has attractive chocolate brown skin
- I just love him. I can’t explain it.
B. Being Constructive, What Do You Not Like About Black Men in General?
This question gives us some insight about things that can turn off Asian women. Again, keep in mind in this section that the Asian women are trying to be constructive.
1. Do Not Want To Over Generalize
We were impressed that even though the Asian women knew that they could freely speak their mind because they were promised complete confidentiality and anonymity, the top response was that they did not want to generalize because they know that all Black men are different. They see others over generalize about Black men and they did not want to do the same and we appreciate that.
2. Do Not Know A Lot Of Black Men
This could be a different way for Asian women to say that they do not want to over generalize, but it is also proof of our earlier point that just because an Asian women is in a relationship with a Black man, it doesn’t mean that she knows a lot of Black men, or that she likes all Black men. Love and character matter more than race when Asian women decide to be with any man.
3. Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Not Serious
Some women commented that they did not like guys who just want to have fun, or guys that could not be serious or responsible. This is a clear turn off for the Asian women we spoke with in the survey.
4. Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Not On Time
This one may be related to men who are not serious, but several women mentioned being annoyed by men who are consistently not on time. So for those guys who practice CP time, it’s not a good look.
5. Do Not Like That Asian Women Have Small Butts
This one surprised us at how often it was mentioned. Several of the Asian women said that their Black man likes women with big butts and they did not like the fact or felt insecure that they did not have a big butt. Some worried that it could lead to their man finding another woman with a big butt attractive. Some Asian women who met their men when they lived in Asia felt more secure in Asia because they felt like not many Asian women have big butts, but when they moved to the US, they felt more insecure because there are many women with big butts in the US. Frankly, we think this is an opportunity for Black men to be more reassuring to their Asian woman if this is something that she worries about.
6. Other Things
Again, keep in mind that almost everyone said that these things that Asian women do not like about Black men apply to ALL men, but my question was about Black men. Asian women do not like any men who are not serious or who are not on time. Other items that were mentioned less frequently include:
- Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Too Blunt or Rude
- Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Too Macho About Roles For Men vs. Women
- Do Not Like Black Men Who Are Uneducated
- Do Not Like Black Men Who Smoke Weed
C. Being Constructive, What Should Black Men Change About The Way They Approach Asian Women
The first two questions had a good variety of answers, but with this last question, there were only 3 responses from all of the Asian women who responded. So the women were very consistent in how they think about this question.
1. Do Not Be So Aggressive / Thirsty In Approaching Asian Women
The women were very clear on this point. Some of the specific comments from the women were:
- Don’t tell me how beautiful I am over and over and over
- Don’t be so obvious that you like me immediately after you just met me
- Stop showing off for me
- Stop hitting on me on the street
- Don’t act so aggressive
- Don’t be so thirsty to get an Asian girl
- Don’t try to move so quickly
- Don’t fall in love with me before we even go on a first date
- Don’t make me feel like you only want sex
- Be humble
- Take your time to get to know me and let me get to know you
- Start as good friends first
- Ask me out for coffee first instead of asking me to come chill at your house
- Make Asian women feel comfortable with you before you try to escalate the relationship
2. Don’t Approach Asian Women As A Race
This is somewhat related to not being aggressive and thirsty, but it’s more specific around not making the Asian lady feel like you are only interested in her because of her race. Approach her as a person, not as an Asian. Some of the specific comments from the women are:
- Don’t tell me how much you like Asian women
- Don’t tell me how much you want to marry an Asian woman
- Don’t tell me that you only date Asian women
- Don’t ask me where I’m from or where am I really from
- Don’t assume you know my language or culture immediately after we meet
- Don’t treat me as a stereotype
- I am not here to fulfill your Asian fantasies
- Remember that Asian women are normal women, the same as anyone else
3. Do Not Really Know How Black Men Approach Asian Women
Similar to the second question on the survey, some Asian women said they did not know that many Black men outside of their boyfriend / husband, so they weren’t sure about how Black men were approaching Asian women.
We really appreciate all of the direct feedback the women shared with us. Sometimes Black men do not have that much exposure to Asian women, and sometimes Asian women are a little shy about sharing their opinions in public, so hopefully an article like this with constructive advice directly from Asian women can bring some insight for our readers. The advice from the Asian women is very clear – be serious about love and building a family, and do not come on too strong or thirsty or throw a bunch of Asian stereotypes at her. If you are just looking to play and not be serious, if you don’t really believe in love, if you just want a quick, casual relationship, and if you are chasing some Asian fantasy, good luck with that, but you are not likely going to be successful with Asian women. As our regular readers already know, while we at ABC believe in Blasian couple relationships, we also believe that you should be looking for love first and foremost, not necessarily for an Asian woman. Blasian couple relationships are not for everyone. Now that you have more insight into how Asian women think about Black men, you can hopefully make more informed decisions about how you interact with Asian women.
If you want to see more on other popular questions that we receive at ABC, check out the following posts. For the question, “Where can Black men find Asian women?” – see our thoughts here. For the question, “What’s the best approach to Asian women?” – see our thoughts here. And for the question, “What are the best dating sites for Black men to find Asian women?” – see our thoughts here.
As always, we welcome your thoughts or additional insights on this topic in the comments below.
Wishing everyone all the best!