So you are a Black man and you want to be in an Asian and Black relationship, but you don’t know any Asian women or you never meet Asian women. So where can you meet Asian woman? When I am out with my Asian girlfriend, this is the number one question that I hear from Black men. This post will attempt to answer that question, primarily focused on BMAW relationships, but many of these ideas can also be utilized for AMBW or other types of interracial relationships.
First let’s consider two prerequisites you should think through before you enter any type of cross cultural relationship.
A. Are you ready and willing to deal with a partner of a different culture and all the cultural differences that will occur in the relationship? The reality is that unless the Asian woman is highly Americanized, most cross cultural relationships will have cultural differences. If you meet Asian women from Asia, the cultural differences can be very sharp, and even if you meet Asian women living in the US, unless they are 3rd generation or longer in the US, the cultural differences will still likely be significant. The cultural differences can actually be fun and enlightening to work through as well as a source of learning and inspiration. Cultural differences can be great for the relationship or they can be very frustrating and make the relationship very tough – it all depends on how you approach them. If you are one of these guys who just doesn’t want to deal with cultural differences or just wants to stay the same and let the lady make all the adjustments to fit your culture – there are a lot of guys like this – then save yourself and the potential Asian lady a lot of time and headache and stick to women in your own culture who will not present you with the challenges of dealing with cultural differences.
B. Are you the type of guy who just wants to be with any Asian woman – it doesn’t matter as long as she is Asian? If so, then you also are not really ready for an Asian and Black relationship. The “Asian fever” phenomenon where men pursue women simply because of her race and nothing else, is unfortunately real for many men and frankly it creeps out most Asian women. The Asian fever guys seem to love approaching Asian women with all of these stupid stereotypical Asian remarks which runs off most Asian women very quickly. Approach her as a woman and not as an Asian. Being a gentleman who treats her like a lady can actually help you stand out from all the creepy Asian fever guys who approach her with stupidity. Just like with women from other races, not all Asian women are good women and you really have to be able to differentiate between good women for you and bad women for you. Don’t be that guy that just chases any and all Asian women – have some standards and say no to Asian women that are not a good fit for you and approach her as a person, not a race. Once you are in a real relationship with an Asian woman, race really doesn’t matter at all, but personal qualities matter tremendously.
Ok, fine, I’m ready to deal with the cultural differences, I know how to be selective about which Asian women I pursue, and I know how to approach her as a lady, not as an Asian – now, let’s get to the good stuff – tell me where to find Asian women. Great – here are some general tips on places and ways to meet Asian women. It helps being in cities with lots of Asian immigrants like the west coast in general or east coast cities like New York or Washington, DC. See the earlier post here on Where-Are The Blasians for a good list of cities with decent Blasian populations.
In no particular order, here are some decent places and ways to meet Asian women:
1. Introductions from Asian Friends
This is one of the best ways to meet Asian women. Referrals from other trusted Asian friends go a really long way with many Asian women. Several of the Black men that I know who are married to Asian women were introduced to their wife by other Asian friends. Don’t have any Asian friends – then it’s time to make some
2. Asian / Western Mixers
Particularly if you live in Asia or are in Asia for an extended period, several large cities in Asian countries hold mixers specifically for Asian women to meet Western men. Ask around and find these mixers and make the right friends so that you can be invited to attend them. Keep in mind that many women who attend these mixers will be very marriage minded and not so interested in casual dating, so be serious about dating and selective about which women you interact with in these mixers. In the US, some west coast Asian matchmakers also hold Asian / Western mixers, most notably in the San Francisco bay area. A few SoCal Asian matchmakers also used to hold Asian / Western mixers, but not as frequently as the bay area. Also some overseas introduction services like A Foreign Affair, the top and most credible overseas introduction service, also offer custom mixers in places like the Philippines, China, and Thailand, where they set up multiple mixers for you and a small number of men allowing you to meet hundreds of marriage minded Asian women in one week.
3. Asian Grocery Stores / Markets
Food is a big deal in the Asian community and many times the only place Asian people can buy the ingredients or food they need is in a Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, or Filipino market. Most times Asian women in the stores are helpful if you have simple questions about certain food there, but sometimes they are in a rush as well, so use your judgement when approaching women there.
4. Salsa Dance Venues
Salsa is generally full of mature adults of all ethnic backgrounds, particularly on the west coast and it offers the perfect excuse to approach a woman and spend some up close time with her for 5 to 7 minutes at a time. Most salsa places also offer a basic introductory salsa lesson before the general salsa dancing begins which operates very similar to a speed dating event where you switch partners every minute or so. Once your salsa dance skills are more advanced, it’s not unusual at all for Asian women to approach you for a dance since sometimes they like to improve their skills by dancing with the better dancers. Many Asian women grew up with dance and enjoy dance forms that require skill and practice like salsa very much.
5. Zumba / Dance Classes in the Asian Section of Town
Again, many Asian women love dancing in general and Zumba in particular. If you find a Zumba studio in or near the Asian section of your city (particularly on the west coast), it will typically be full of Asian women and not that many men. Before or after class is a great time to talk and meet the Asian women in the class, but during the class you need to be all business about getting your Zumba in.
Pick your spot when approaching women here and try not to be too disruptive to her or others. It helps sometimes when you look like you might know what you are doing in a gym.
7. Coffee Shop
If you live in a place with a fair amount of Asians, this can be a decent place as well.
8. Classroom Language Courses and Online Language Exchange Sites
You will often be surprised by how many interesting friends you can meet in these courses both online and in person. These friends can often either turn into relationships or help make introductions to other Asian women for you later. I know many men who have met Asian women through language courses or internet language exchange sites. Be prepared however to meet women who do not speak English well and who will often have a long learning curve to speak proper English.
9. Sushi / Ramen Bars
While I don’t like restaurants in general for meeting people, many sushi bars and ramen shops seem to attract a fair amount of single diners which can give you the perfect setup to strike up a conversation.
10. Large Diverse Churches
Some cities may not have these, but the west coast – particularly San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego – has many large churches which attract all ethnic groups including Asians. These churches typically have many different events, activities, and ministries – including a singles ministry often – which all can give you a natural way to meet other people, some of whom will undoubtedly be Asian.
11. Asian Cooking Class
Asian cooking classes are often full of women as well although the Asian women you find here are more likely to be married and very Americanized. This is ok though because married Asian women tend to have single Asian women friends that they can introduce you to later if you impress them as a nice guy. Keep in mind that many Asian women, particularly Asian women raised in Asia, are excellent cooks and they certainly don’t need to attend any Asian cooking classes, but highly Americanized Asian women are often not great cooks which is why you are more likely to meet them in Asian cooking classes.
12. College or University
If you are attending college or university, particularly on the west coast, this is also a natural place to meet Asian women and many Asian and Black relationships start in college.
13. Classical Music Concerts and Recitals
The majority of Asian women I know either from Asia or 2nd generation or less in the US love classical music. If you like classical music as well, this can be a good way to connect.
14. Nail Salon
Ever had a male manicure / pedicure – without the polish. Not only are most of the technicians Asian, but many of the clients and sometimes the salon owners will be Asian as well. On the west coast many of these salons will be owned by Vietnamese and / or have many Vietnamese workers. Nail salons though tend to be better for making Asian friends who can introduce you to other Asian women later, rather than for finding dates.
15. Asian Events / Fairs / Night Markets
Does your city have an Asian Art Festival or Asian Film Festival or Asian Night Market? These are great places to meet Asian women. Does your city have a Chinatown or Asian section with big Chinese New Year or Mid Autumn Festival events? Figure out what Asian holidays are celebrated in your area and try to attend some of the events. The night markets in particular are often a lot of fun and a nice way to meet Asian women.
16. West Coast or Hawaii Visit
If you don’t already live on the west coast, plan a visit for a week and experience the difference of living in an area with a larger Asian population. Any of the larger west coast cities should work – San Diego, Irvine (Orange County), Los Angeles, San Jose, San Francisco, Seattle, even Vancouver. Also if you haven’t been to Hawaii in a bit, Oahu and Honolulu/Waikiki feel like they are probably 80% Asian these days. Visitors from Japan far outnumber the visitors from the US these days in Hawaii. If you do visit Hawaii, be ready to experience the large Asian population in Hawaii – for some US guys, it can even be a little overwhelming, almost like visiting Asia for the first time. Also if you are considering long distance dating Asian women in Asia, keep in mind that long distance dating Asian women on the west coast is far less expensive and complicated if you get serious with the woman.
17. Overseas Visit / Assignment
Nothing like going straight to the source. Is there a natural reason for you to visit Asia or can you attach yourself to a project at work which requires an Asian visit? Where to visit in Asia – for the first timer, probably Singapore, Tokyo, Seoul, Hong Kong or Cebu. For the more seasoned traveler, you can also try Kuala Lumpur, Shanghai, Beijing, Macau, Bangkok, Ho Chi Minh City. It also helps to either have friends in these cities or be able to develop friends in these cities who can help you navigate around town and possibly introduce you to their female friends.
18. General Online Dating
Try the free ones first, OKCupid.com or PlentyofFish.com and then maybe some of the paid ones like Match.com or eHamony.com – they are all very hit or miss when it comes to Asian women. Keep in mind that many online Asian women will really get hounded by the Asian fever fetish guys online daily and hence they can be very wary of online men sometimes. My Asian friends also tell me that many of the Asian women who use general online dating sites are either not that attractive or have difficult personalities. My Asian friends tell me that most of the attractive and fun personality Asian women in the US never need to use a general online dating site since they constantly meet men in real life, so word to the wise about general online dating.
19. Asian Online Dating and Penpal Sites
Websites like Filipino Cupid, Cherry Blossoms, Japan Cupid, KoreanCupid, and China Love Cupid tend to specialize in Asian women who live in Asia who are open to relocating to the US or Europe. These days, more and more US and European Asian women who already understand western culture and have good English skills are also using these dating sites. Many Asian countries also have various penpal sites which Asian women like to use to work on their English skills. You have to be careful of the green card seekers and the gold diggers on these kinds of sites, but there are many genuine women on these sites if you can navigate the whole international relationship aspect. Also unlike the general online dating sites, these Asian specific dating sites are more likely to have very attractive Asian women with great personalities, but perhaps weaker English skills. Keep in mind that in many Asian countries, Asian women are considered old maids after the age of 28 or so and very few Asian men will pursue them after that age. This causes the Asian oriented dating sites to often have many extremely attractive Asian women who are dateless in their home countries. See this post on the Top 3 Best Asian Dating Sites for Black Men for our recommendation of Asian dating sites where we have seen Black men have the best success.
20. Asian Matchmaker
Some large cities like San Francisco have matchmakers who specialize in Asian relationships. One Asian matchmaker in San Francisco says that 70% of their matchmaking is matching American guys (including Black guys) to Asian women and 30% of their business is matching Asian men to Asian women. Many Asian matchmakers also have lots of speed dating events and other fun ice breaker events.
Finally I should mention that Asian women I know who are open to Black men tell me that this list is nice, but that they never have problems meeting Black men anywhere. So if the timing is right, don’t be shy on striking up conversations with Asian women.
What other places or ways have you found effective for meeting Asian women? Feel free to discuss your thoughts on this blog post at the Asian Black Couples Forums at this link.